I like your Excuse.

If I tell you what I want… If I make it a point to verbally tell you exactly what I want… and you still give an excuse, you don’t respect me.

I know what it means to be single, I know what it means to be in a relationship, dating, etc. In all situations my time needs to be respected. I find that being single this is my biggest issue. I am not going to spend time, time that I could be doing something I actually want to do, with you, if you don’t get it. If you are over the age of thirty you should ‘get it’. I am not looking to be married tomorrow BUT If this has no future, then call it quits and move on. Don’t try to rock with me because you know I am going to make sure I take care of home.

I was attempting to possibly date a guy, I made it known that if he wanted to be taken serious, and he wanted to take me out, he needed to make plans in advanced. Not the night before, but days prior. I even went as far to explain to him WHY this is a factor to me. And still there was opposition. Wanna know his reasoning? He’d rather be spontaneous, he didn’t want something to come up and he’d have to cancel on whatever was planned. I call BS. Mister, if something DID come up, just reached out and rescheduled. I am willing to compromise, but if your not even making an effort, why would I? I’m happier being single with myself, then trying to date a man who’ll eventually waste my time.

Jonez.

Act Two

Why do men wait until you no longer care, to act right? As an adult, I think I am over the games that folks play so I have no interest in participating in them. So I do let it be known that I’m feeling them, I am not super aggressive, I would rather let a man take it to that next step. I don’t feel like I need to chase you, nope. All I have to do is let you know how I feel, and you either take it from there or be like nah T, I’m just not interested in you. I can appreciate any man that tells me, straight up, that they aren’t interested.

Its funny cuz I can be feeing you until I’m not. I really think men be having this spidey sense cuz the second I’m like this dude is a dub, they want to come with the dinner date and flowers. Then get upset with me when I’m not receptive to any of that shit, cuz dude it’s too late. I’m good on you! In most cases, when I’m chatting with someone, its because they have hit ME up, if you wasn’t ready, then why you bothered? And I’m going to be sitting around wondering why they aren’t acting right.. Nah I’ll be already unto the next.

Tristan J.

Lessons

I learned a lesson today folks. Well I received a nice little reminder… STOP begging people to support you. As much as we all want support stop begging people to give it to you. If its not coming from a place where they would like to do it freely, then I don’t want it. As a ‘friend’ I shouldn’t have to beg you for your support, cuz if the shoe was on the other foot, I would gladly be repping your name in these streets.

I was also reminded, that people might not be supporting you because your wack! You have to be honest with yourself about your content. It is on message with your brand? Is it good? If you was scrolling by is this something that would catch your eye? I want you to enjoy the success that is SURELY going to come if you continue to have a critical eye about your content. I use Instagram heavily, so I am constantly evaluating my content. If I never heard about ‘Tristan Jonez’ is this a post that would pull me in, would I want to find out about this person, would I even care about this content?

You have to be your OWN support system. Until your content, your personality , your vibes, brings on your tribe. Treat that one supporter like gold man. When I find really good content, I can’t shut up about it. Word of Mouth is your best marketing tool, but to get there you have to put in the work.

Tristan J.

Daddy’s Maybe.

So with continuing the theme of you all being in my business, I’m still not talking to my dad. For the new folks who don’t know the situation, I was/am tired of my parent being rude and disrespectful, especially after I made him aware of his behavior, so I decided to put distance between him and I. I understand that he is the parent BUT I will not allow anyone to disrespect me, EVER. With it being the beginning of the new year, I said, “Tristan at minimum text the man happy new year”, so I did.

Well my dad called instead of replying back, but I didn’t answer. I looked at the phone and thought about answering but I’m not ready to talk to my parent. I felt myself going back to that place where he disrespected me and I wanted to do the same. So Instead of letting someone make me get ugly, I dubbed the call.

I’m still working on my attitude and my sanity wasn’t ready to deal with my dad. I still a big fan of apologizing when you eff up. I also know I’ll never get an apology from my father, so this isn’t me teaching him a lesson. I’m finding serenity within myself so at this stage I’m staying away from anything that can eff that up.

Tristan J.

Actively

I don’t participate in the “New Year, New Me” however I’m still the same person, not looking to change overnight. I am however learning to push myself to be the best version of myself. So everyday I get up, I actively do my best to be happy. I am tired of living in negativity of my own doing, my own words against myself. It sucks the energy right out of you! I want to keep my blue days, for when I am sick with the flu.

I don’t make new years resolutions cuz I will never keep them for more than a day. My mind is not wired to remember something like that. So I am actively working on being genuinely happy. I want to always have a smile on my face, I want to feel good about the decisions I am making, and the content that I’m putting into the World.

That is the life I am looking to live.

Jonez.

How to.

If I’m ever in need of inspiration, How to make it in America, is my go to show! It is the epitome of hustling to follow your dream, and making mistakes every single step of the way. But that’s what I love about the show. It validates that your dreams are real, and you better hustle like hell to make them come true, and even when you hustle, you can still fail. The best thing about the show, Is Cam and Ben have one another. Granted in your real life you may be going at this alone, but I encourage you to find a squad/tribe that you can unpack/vent to. I’m out here trying to make the best of what I have, but Im still looking and meeting folks that will be my squad.

Do I expect everyone I meet to be apart of my vision… No. But I do expect to have those interactions either be a lesson or a blessing, either way it will be beneficial for me. I definitely out here hustling for the vision I see for myself, cuz when its my time to go, this chick will have NO REGRETS!

What do you do when your inspiration is low? How do/did you find your squad?

Tristan J.

Don’t Chase.

There are too many people out here willing to give you everything you’ve been looking for, you do not have to chase anyone for anything! What one person is not giving there are others who will go above and beyond. Find those folks. Let those folks find you. As dry as my phone currently is, I’m done chasing people. I’d rather have a dry ass phone then have to deal with nonsense, especially from a grown up.
If y’all didn’t notice I’m trying to glow up. Anything less than that is NOT for me. I’m trying this new routine where I put myself first and anyone willing to be apart of my World will respect that, and place themselves where needed.
Tristan

Daddy Duties

I think I was assigned to the wrong dad. I honestly believe there was some mix up at the hospital I was born in because the man that I’ve been told is my dad, just couldn’t be.

I am full of love, and goodness. I see only the best in everyone, even when they aren’t putting their best foot forward. In ny thirty years I can’t remember a single event where my dad has been there when absolutely needed. An event where my dad went above for me, where my needs as a child/adult was put before his own. I’ve made mistakes in my life, I’m sure I’ll make a million more, and I’ve corrected my wrongs. I’ve apologized when I didn’t believe I was at fault to save friendships that I thought was important to me.

Being thirty, I’m still finding myself. I’m still working on who I am as a person and who I’d ultimately like to be. So I’m not always quick to speak up when I should, but bare with me, I’m learning. So something major happened in my life and my dad dropped the ball. I don’t ask for much from anyone, and I’ve stop expecting anything, however I’m disappointed that my dad couldn’t be there for me.

Based on his attitude, I’ve decided to move forward with my life without him being apart of it. I most definitely love my dad but if you can’t step up, be a man and right your wrongs I want no part.

Glass of Water?

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it.

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket.

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be.

Tristan.

Short

Yesterday

I found out a friend of mine past away and the first thing I thought was did I tell him I loved him. Did he know he was as special to me as I was to him. I’m sadden by this event.

Love on the folks while they are here because once they are gone you are left with the thoughts of all the things you could’ve and should’ve did while they were here.

Live this life with no regrets.

I love you Darrell.

Tristan.

Monica Brown

For those of you who are new to me, I Stan for the singer Monica Brown. In my head she’s an older sister that has been through life and is now there to help get through the same things she’s lived through. So many countless times her music has helped to be that shoulder I needed.

After the Storm album helped me to realize I wasn’t the only person who had gone through this. My first love had committed suicide, and I was having an extremely hard time moving forward with life. It was the worst feeling, words fail at describing the pain of losing Ali. To this day, I still miss him and talk to him as if he is here with me. I lost my love but gained an angel. However listening to “I wrote this song” lets me know Monica truly understand the feeling, and if she was able to move forward I know I’ll be able to eventually.

Still Standing album made me realize I was stronger than I thought. I was a mess during this album, you hear me? I was a hot ass mess. Didn’t know what I was doing with myself, just trying to find myself but nothing was working. I was single, after finding my then boyfriend had cheated. I had gone through a miscarriage, as well as a failed engagement with said cheater boyfriend. However there was hope in my struggle as I just met a guy that I thought was it for me… turns out he wasn’t. The song “Everything to me and Love all over me” was the perfect dedication to him.

Fast forward three years, the relationship should’ve ended but leave it to me to continue to breathe life into a very dead relationship cuz I ain’t a quitter. New Life album was the definition of my life but I didn’t see that at the time. I was still rocking Still Standing. Unhealthy toxic relationship was what my beautiful love had turned into. I wasn’t love or respected, but yet I stayed. Its funny, because I wouldn’t give him a second of my time now, especially with the way I feel about myself. The love I have for myself now, he couldn’t do nothing with the woman I am now. NOTHING. “Until it’s gone” will forever be dedicated to him.

Once I was freed from the emotions I had for my ex, we decided to try again. I know, silly me. In Code Red Album, “Ocean of Tears” made me cry, still does because I truly did everything I could to get back to him. But this time, something had changed… and it was me. Whatever spell he had me under was now done. I’m not sure where/when the change occurred but it did. I no longer needed his love to sustain me, I was my “dozen roses.”

I haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and tell Monica all of this face to face yet but its coming. Just wait on it.

Tristan.

Assaulted

I was Sexually Assaulted at work, by a Coworker I was dating at the time.

My body was violated. My Space was violated. I was violated. I was asked by a friend if I was raped but that term didn’t feel right to me. So much so that I had to look up the definition of both terms.

Rape: Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent—compare sexual assault, statutory rape.

Sexual Assault: Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

Sexual Assault was what I went through. Even though he was forcibly bear hugging me while holding my hands, and thumbing my throat, I still do not call it rape. He did not have my consent, I did not ask for his penis to be shoved inside of me but all the same I wanted it to be over. Perhaps I could’ve did more to fight him off me but again I just wanted it to be over. I don’t dwell on it, as I’ve made my peace with it. That filth will never have the opportunity to touch me again, he will never be granted permission into my World, no matter the role.

I’m not sure yet how this event has changed me but I know it has. Something like that has to change you in some way, I’m sure it will reveal itself to me down the road as of right now I’m going to focus on the beauty of the life I’m living.

If you have experienced someone violating your space, I’m not sure what advice to give. I did not report this to anyone of authority, I did not make a report but I didn’t because I was protecting myself. It may have been the wrong decision but it was one I was at peace with. I think you should do what feels right, whatever will bring YOU inner comfort or as close to it as you can come after dealing with type of event.

Tristan.