The Call

So y’all know, my ‘father’ and I aren’t cool, and I am not looking to change that anytime soon. I’m not going allow toxic folks into my World, no matter what their title might be in relation to me. My father and I had a text message exchange last Thursday, with him contacting me, talking rubbish. I know it can be hard to apologize, but just do it, especially if you’re wrong. Its sad to see a man, chit chat, about nonsense, just so he’ll be able to saying something to you. Anywhoo, My aunt called me today, expressing concern over not speaking to him for three days, even though she was calling consistently, I volunteered, as tribute, to call for her.

After searching my blocked list, and my voicemails, his number was nowhere to be found. Graciously my aunt sent it, I called and low and behold, he’s alive. I must admit, my heart did skip a beat until he answered, I wouldnt want to be the one who’d have to deliver news to the rest of the family that he was deceased. And now, I don’t have to.

Tristan J.

A Fail

Its been a while since I’ve experience a fail with my photography, but tonight, I got a dose of failure. I hardly ever shoot at night, its just not a strength, If I’m being honest, but I’ve been looking to challenge myself. Before going out to shoot, I watched a few youtube videos, to familiarize myself with what my presets should be for capturing night photos. Well guys, still a fail! Granted, I didn’t have anything in particular I was attempting to capture, just wanted quality night pictures … of whatever. Well I got just that, but no quality. Well I can’t say that either.

So upon further investigation of my photos, I do like em. I actually like them a lot, BUT its still not what I think of, when thinking of great night photos. I know the artificial lighting didn’t help, but I’m going to play around with the presets, so I can find what works for me. Excited? I damn sure am!

Tristan Jonez.

Also, Let me know what you think of my photos? Thank you!

All American S2E5

My eyes started welling up as I was writing the title. Shit. What an incredible episode, brilliant and emotional writing I equally love & hate entertainment (shows/books) that make me cry. Pulls the emotion out of me. Makes me identify with what’s being portrayed. And yes, I know, that is what marks the making of good show … one where the audience can identify with. But fuck.

These are the times where I wish on a million stars that I had a mother to vent to. A person who’s sole job was to be there for me. To comfort me, and right now, I need it.

I’m adding the CW television show, to the list of motion pictures, I will NEVER Rewatch, Seven Pounds is at the top of that list.

Jonez.

The Blues

So I’m not exactly going through a break up, cuz he was Never my man BUT I’m finally fully walking away. I always have a hard time letting go of people, especially when I’ve grown to be attached to them however this toxic shit has to go! It really is like men have this radar, when you are moving on without them, something beeps in their fucking head, that says, ‘Call her, Text her,” “And don’t forget to tell her you miss her.” I am over the okey doke, sometimes, NO, most times you have to block their number for a bit. Do whatever is needed to save ur damn sanity, cuz slowly you’ll lose your mind dealing with these types of men.

My only word of advice, and its not even advice, Men know exactly what they are doing. When they say, and do, they have already determined how important you are to them. They have already assessed how much they are willing to do, or not do, so when they show you, take it at face value. If you meant that much to them, they would do all that’s needed to keep you. So, don’t allow them to use excuses, they most definitely knew what they had in you, and IF they didn’t, oh well! Don’t go back babe! Once a shooting star has fizzled out, there’s no rewind button … You’re the Star!

Tristan J

Lessons

For the past few weeks, Ive stopped to take an inventory of how I interact with people, and how they in turn interact with me. Nothing I do, is ever because I am looking for something in return from others. NEVER! I am always my friends biggest cheerleader, biggest supporter, because I know they out here grinding to make their dreams come true, so why wouldn’t I support them? I am not always able to support their businesses with monetary gains but I’ll plug and plug on social media. My audience might not be large, but its powerful and I am consistent.

However, I am tired of giving and giving, and never really seeing those SAME folks, going hard for me. Supporting me. Assisting with promoting me on social media. Hell, just a kind word or greeting. Truly be interested in what’s going on with me. I had a ‘friend’ who I haven’t spoken to in months, hit me up to promote her business … girl, Fuck you and that business. Of course, I didn’t say that, I just ignored her request but It was utterly ridiculous. Like Boo, Oh you remember me now?

I say this to say, Its a miracle to not turn into a bitter bitty but you can’t let the way other folks behave cause you to wilt. Don’t let people turn you into someone you aren’t. I know it gets annoying but keep it pushing, and keep searching until you find your tribe!

Tristan Jones.

Dear Breonna Taylor,

Today was not a victory!

Did I expect the cops who murdered you to be charged to the fullest extent of the law? No. However I did hope that the Attorney General Daniel “Uncle Tom” Cameron would at least, do the very minimum but he barely did that. We’re tired B. Protests, no matter how civil, riots, no matter how destructive, nothing seems to get through. I am not sure, even if we were to start fighting back in the same manner in which we are killed, would that bring peace … but we both know it wouldn’t. Today, after I heard the news, I asked my friends, where could I live in which my beautiful brown skin would not be seen as a threat? The only response, “Not on Planet Earth”, and I am inclined to agree.

I am angry for the life you had to live but will never get the opportunity. All the plans you might’ve made, all the things you looked forward to, and now, your light has been extinguished. Whats worst, the justice system isn’t even trying to right this wrong. Who takes the accountability? Who falls on his sword? Apparently Uncle Tom doesn’t believe ANYONE is responsible. How much is a black life worth? Obviously not much. Breonna Taylor you are loved sis, you’ll forever live in the hearts of those who loved & knew you. But you’ll always remain in the hearts of those who didn’t. Justice Failed You B.

Tristan Jonez.

Family Fued.

Family.

I’m sure they’ve probably been described as a necessary evil … I’m just wishing I had one that tried to understand me. Everyday I wish upon a star that my mother was still alive, she was the only person in my World who has tried to understand why I do whatever I do, why I feel how I feel, and even back then, I don’t believe I expressed myself in a way that would’ve made it easier for her to understand. I don’t expect my extended family to be there in the same way as my parents, BUT when one of those parents die, and the other one aint worth dirt, I would hope they would step up in a way that’s needed. Listen, I am so non confrontational, I’d just rather deal with it on my own, then confront someone, Lord the anxiety. However there are times that I bite the bullet and say what’s on my mind, and it usually always makes me feel better. 2020, has taught me I cant care so much what others are going to think. I would put out feelers for the things I was thinking about doing, attempting to read the room. But I aint doing that no more, if its something I want to experience, then I have to just go for it. Either its going to work out in the ways I believe or it’ll be a lesson on what to not do for the next time.

Trstn Jnz

34 going on

I promise I am trying not to fret over my age. I am also trying not to let my age dictate what life milestones I should be reaching. Just to let my life be what it is, be what it will, and enjoy each step of the way but I cant help but to think what does the future hold for me. Will I get married? Do I actually want to be married? Kids? A Kid? Continue to travel the World? Buy property? What is it that I want? And even in the question of what do I want, Will I know it, once it’s in my view?

As you grow older, How has life milestones affected your judgement?

Tristan Jonez.

(Ex) Friends

Can you be friends with an Ex?

In my younger dating years, I was able to keep it cute and cordial with folks who previously had the pleasure of my company. However, now, No I wouldn’t want to be friends with my ex. Not real friends anyway, and if we have to filter out the things we’d say, why bother? If you MUST be friends with an ex, how did it end? I’m sure that would factor if you even want to be friends, were you just better as friends? Did y’all start as friends? Would the friendship be restricted to just texting and chatting on the phone? Would y’all go out? Ah, Way too many questions, and somewhere in there, I’m sure is a grey and murky area. Why even go thru the hassle of attempting friendship?

In my own defense, I am cool with a handful of folks that I’ve dated. But I would never invest time into them as a potential partner, again, I also wouldn’t physically go out with them to ‘catch up’. I’d respond if they texted, but I wouldn’t reach out. So I guess, No I wouldn’t be friends with an Ex.

I don’t tend to reread books, I already know the ending.

Tristan Jonez.

Con

Consistency is a weird thing for me suddenly.

If you are new here, let me be the first to tell you. I am not usually consistent in my writing … or posting. I’ll have a burst of creative writing energy, and I’ll write for about a week, if I am lucky. Then poof! I disappear for any length of time. Then inspiration, or something that looks like it, will hit then I’m back again. However on this go ’round, I am making an effort to be consistent. Is it that simple? You make a choice and follow through? Has consistency always been that uncomplicated?

Well Has it?

Tristan Jonez.

According To Wale…

“Love is overrated and underrated because it seem like a placebo when it be done.”

Overrated adj. have a higher opinion of (something or someone) than deserved.

Underrated v. To rate or evaluate too low.

Placebo n. A measure designed merely to calm or please someone.

Maybe Wale is on to something, maybe Love is overrated and underrated. How many times have a love that you thought would be forever ended and your left feeling … depleted? To be in Love means what? To be in a haze of feelings? To give your all? To what? Is it something you do? Feel? Are we not giving Love its due? Do we not place it in such a high regard? Are we too lax about it? Should we make more of a bigger deal when it felt? When it’s said? When it’s realized and shown?

Is love really as underrated and overrated as we make it?

Tristan Jonez.

Song Lyrics from Set You Free ft. Kelly Price

Flags of Red

I saw the red flags. Each and Every One, I saw them. When I recognized them, I fell back. I wasn’t that deep in with homie, so I was able to begin the process of walking away. Yeah, he was dope, and treated me well BUT I saw the Red Flags. I fucking saw them! I think that’s the part that annoys me the most about my most recent dating situation, the fact that I saw the red flags, began the process of walking away, but because he pursued me, I abandoned all sensible logic and stayed. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’m better today, than I was a few weeks ago, but still, to have to deal with this, knowing I saw the Red Flags just sigh…

Be better than me, when you see those Red Flags, and you will, be strong enough to know he is not WHO you are waiting for.

Tristan Jonez.