Talk too Much.

Can we talk ourselves out of a good thing? Can we be so quick to want to reach the point of #Relationshipgoals, that we forget to actually enjoy the process of learning the other person? Not just the idea of who you THINK they are, or the person who you have created in your head. I do believe we meet the representative of the person, they are on their best behavior, doing all the things they believe you’d like to see. After a few months, you are able to see the person for who they really are, when someone is comfortable with you, their guard comes down.

I had to learn to slow the hell down. I was letting the fact that I’m thirty guide my actions. I, like others, had thoughts of where I should be, and what I should be doing at this age. I did not anticipate being single with no children, not in my wildest dream, did I think I would be in this place. So when I met Dickhead* I was in a place where I was ready to give dating a try. In this case, he talked too much, showed me early on WHO he was and I didn’t like it. In the long run, that relationship would’ve been a disaster. Fortunately for me, he talked himself out of a good thing.

Let the relationship progress organically. Trust me, I know how it feels when you want something. You are ready to jump out of the window, with both feet but don’t. Pace yourself, be yourself and let what you want happen on its own.

 

Tristan.

 

*Names have been changed to respect privacy

Don’t Chase. 

There are too many people out here willing to give you everything you’ve been looking for, you do not have to chase anyone for anything! What one person is not giving there are others who will go above and beyond. Find those folks. Let those folks find you. As dry as my phone currently is, I’m done chasing people. I’d rather have a dry ass phone then have to deal with nonsense, especially from a grown up.
If y’all didn’t notice I’m trying to glow up. Anything less than that is NOT for me. I’m trying this new routine where I put myself first and anyone willing to be apart of my World will respect that, and place themselves where needed.
Tristan

Have you Ever?

Have you ever met someone and just knew you’d be a great match together? Well that happened to me! I met someone, and even though I don’t know much about him, I have this feeling that if we gave each other the opportunity, we could be genuinely happy together. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy, or if I’m just creating a happy ending in my head, because I’m over being single.

Listen, he could be the worst person I’ve ever met but that’s not what’s being spoken to my spirit. I’m learning to move less with my heart or even my mind, and go with what my spirit is telling me. My spirit is telling me there’s something here, potentially an amazing something.  However I think if I want to bring ‘it’ to fruition I’m going to have to be the point person on this mission.

Is possible rejection it worth it?

 

Tristan.

Gimme Yours. 

I will always prefer receiving your number versus you taking mine. I’m just too impatient! Whether or not “it” would go anywhere I want to be the one to call. I would’ve call myself aggressive but my rationale is if I’m hitting you up, that frees you up to be like “yo I like this girl” or “nah shorty too much for me”. Even though, something isn’t clicking with me and dating right now, I’m able to make the guys I’m talking to feel very comfortable with me. BUT because I’m not shy about expressing what I’d like in a friendship, relationship etc I think I have been scaring folks off. 

Obviously that’s not my intention, however I can only be me. Perhaps I can be a bit too much for a man, but with me calling/texting first I’m putting it out there. I’d rather have a man say he can’t deal with all that I am then be waiting by the phone for him to hit me up. Plus my memory can be short. He mess around, hit me up and I forget who the hell he is! (Laughing) 

Tristan. 

Travel Packs

Fun Fact: I rather not travel in a group.

Its easier for me to make all the decisions, and not have to confer with someone else about what they would like to do. There have been times where I’ll travel to a tropical destination and all I want to do is lounge on the beach reading a book. Yes, I will travel hours via air to just sit on a beach. If I was in a group I may not have the luxury of only doing what I want to do. Now, while I’m willing to be a team player and participate in touristy activities, its not my ideal vacation. Although traveling in a group is very avoidable, I have one rule that I live by to keep it stress-free if I must travel with others.

Communication
It is your money, so speak up. If you’d rather opt out of the tour bus, or a visit to the chocolate factory, make your voice known. Respectfully, of course. This is your trip too, so if there’s something you dont want to do, say something. If you want to explore solo, make that known too, preferably before the trip so your travel mates understand that you’re going to block some alone time. If you are picky about the type of hotel you’d like to stay in, or if you have a max price you aren’t willing to go above, let that be known too. Essentially, everyone in the group should have some sort of say in where you all will be staying. Unless ya’ll, as a group, have chosen someone who is known to get the best price or who is able to combine what everyone is looking for and find suitable options. Several options should be listed so it could be majority wins, listing one hotel, is unacceptable, folks would like to have choices.
I’m big on staying away from the tourist traps, dont get me wrong, I’ll visit the Empire State blgd’s of the World but I dont want that to be the only type of places on my agenda. If I can I want to submerge myself in the culture, and what better way than with food. As selective as I might be when it comes to food, I keep a wide open mind! Dont be afraid to break away from the group if you have to. Put your free time to good use! What’s been ‘planned’ may not be for you. I’m more of a go with the flow, get lost in where you are type of gal. I’m perfectly at home with walking around a particular area, if the vibes are good.
I just cant stress enough the importance of communicating with the folks you are traveling with! Learn from me, I went on a vacation to Europe, and it was one of the worst experiences I ever had. The city I visited was amazing but the company I was with, put a strain on my experience. So much so that I’ve declined every group trip I’ve been invited on. Some of that was because I didnt not speak up, I just went with whatever was happening and I’ll never do that again.

Tristan.

Cold Turkey

Some folks you have to cut off and quit cold turkey. I was dating someone who I was really feeling but after a while it was apparent that we was not compatible. However no matter how much I would dead him, and break things off. I would eventually go back, or he would return. I couldn’t and still cant understand what made him so special that I would be willing to put my sanity on the line to date him.

After going back and forth within myself, plus making up to break up, I had to make a decision. I was done with him for good… for good measure I even blocked him. After some time, I unblocked him. Silly me.  Maybe I wanted him to reach out being the person I wanted him to be. Well he did reach out but everything was still the same. I’m not sure why I thought things would be different, he had told me he wasn’t going to change who he was. We even made plans to meet up and hang out, before that day came, I made my final decision to leave this man alone. Especially since he had moved on, and was dating someone new. I’m not sure why he was still reaching out to me, when it was very clear he was content with the person he was currently dating. Although I had played myself, I wasn’t so far gone that I couldn’t end this fuck*ry.

It’s never too late to right your own wrong.

Tristan

Hello Gents?

Do gentlemen still exist?

I promise you I am not trying to start anything but lately my observation shows me, there are no more gentlemen in this World. I can’t stand to see men sitting down while there are pregnant or elderly women standing up. Like, Mister get your ass up. Another human being shouldn’t have to ask you to give up your seat, as this should be common practice. I know for a fact that if that was your elderly ass mother on the bus, about to fall over, but yet not one male offered her a seat, you have an issue. Another thing, men why do you run for seats? The fare you pay is for the ability to get on the train/bus it does not guarantee a seat. Every time I see you run for a seat, you are no longer a man, you are now a female.

I just want to see men doing king sh!t. One thing I loved about living in Baltimore, was even the most ruthless had a gentlemen code. It was always yes ma’am, no ma’am. Dont get it twisted that same gentlemen was a straight gangster who normally didnt have to kill anyone to get respect. I’m not sure where or who this new ‘man’ was raised by but unfortunately you have failed. I need people to go back to teaching respect as it once was. When I actually have a daughter, I want to be sure there will be a gentleman out here for her to meet.

Tristan.