According to Wale …

“What if Love is nothing more than a fairytale?”

What if? In all my disappointments in Love, what if I was doomed before I had even started? Doomed before I could really have the opportunity to explore what Love was, What it means to be Loved in a way, that positively changed my life? As I get older I think I am in agreement with Wale … “What if Love is nothing more than a fairytale?” Then I’ve wasted so much of my life, looking, and waiting for the perfect love story. My first love is starting to feel like a story that didn’t really happen. As most of y’all know, my first love committed suicide so I do feel robbed. Sometimes I wonder if I felt the things I really felt, if the love we shared was real, and if it was, why did he make the choice to leave me, knowing all I had been through.

Emotionally I’m not ready to finish this conversation.

Jonez.

Song Lyrics from Cliche, ft. Ari Lennox & Boogie.

Dear Diary …

Men are stupid.

I know I know. Not all men are stupid. Well I think all men aren’t supposed to be stupid but I’m getting the feeling they don’t know that. I want people, men in particular, to match their words with their actions. If you do not want a relationship, do not create an environment in which reflects one. If you do want a relationship, allow your words and actions to mirror what it is you want. I know it can be an amazing thing when a woman is focusing all of her attention on you, but if you know you do not share in her end goals, don’t egg her on.

In a perfect World, everyone would be honest in how they communicate and understanding each other’s wants and needs would be a breeze. As we both know, we do not reside in that perfect reality. So we have to be precise in what we communicate to others but also have the courage to walk away when what’s being offered isn’t what we want.

Jonez.

Ego Fragility

Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.

Tristan Jonez

Save Yourself.

Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.

I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.

Save Your Damn Selves.

Tristan J.

Chasing.

So I’m not sure if this is a pattern but its staring to feel like one.

Men who chase women down, with only the intention of wasting her time. If we are friends, and you want more, I am all for making your intentions known, but if you are ready to go there, be ready for the consequences as well. Why are you ‘awakening’ her if you have no intention beyond that action? Just leave us be!

On two separate occasions with two different men, I’ve been pursued, only to agree to a date, that they waste my damn time. I’ve long stopped listening to words that men, say and look towards their actions. If nothing is being shown, why would I stay?

Jonez

Focus.

Ladies,

Stop allowing men to treat you as if you are regular. You are not! You are of the absolute best of the best. Lately, Even I have forgotten of my magic, the essence of me, that makes me who I am. I am not here just to accept so willingly the bullshit that a man chooses to provide me. And if he cannot see what he has available to him, let him not see anything. Too many times do we forget there are millions upon millions of men out there, so we have such a selection. WE are the ones who decide who we will date, who we will let pursue us, who we will … I think you get my point!

For the time being, I am going to focus on my challenge of being a tourist in New York City for the month of December.

Tristan Jonez.

Beauty Related.

I’ve searched high and low for a nude that would compliment my chocolate brown skin, and after plenty of trials and errors I’ve finally found it! NYX’s brand is one of my absolute favorites currently. I’ve always appreciated the lip glosses because it gives me not only a dose of Shine, it’s so very pigmented. I’ve blended Praline and Beyond Basic, which is their new slip tease full color lip oil. Because I am a chocolate cutie, I find that I don’t need much Beyond Basic. I first use Praline as a base coat of sorts, then I dab about three dots on my bottom lip and I blend my lips together then Voila! Magic is created! Also in this look I use my NYX’s bright idea illuminating stick in Sun Kissed Crush on my Cupid’s bow.

Tell me what to think? Simple but Chic!

Endings

“I hope you find that fairytale you’re looking for”

If I was looking for a fairytale, I know you wouldn’t be my Prince Charming. Men have a way of projecting their insecurities on the women they claim they would like to date. I want a man to find me, let me be what he is seeking, and push himself to level up to whatever ‘level’ he believes me to be. If being with me, doesn’t make you want to be a better man then I don’t want you. I wanted a completed man but I still want you to be opened to education, and growth. If you believe you are done with all of that, then Im surely not the woman for you.

A man can not tell me he hopes I find what I am looking for when he doesn’t actually know what that is. All he honestly knows, is he isn’t the man that I’m looking for even know I haven’t figured it out yet. Im not looking for perfect, I am only looking for what is genuine. Everything else we can figure out together, if you are coachable. If I can’t tell you how I want to be treated, all the little things, then whats the point? Attraction isn’t enough, cuz once those looks fade, Im sure you’ll appreciate me taking an interest in more than just your face, and body.

And for the man who penned that ridiculous statement, What I seek will make itself available to me ONCE I rid myself of all the current clowns.

Tristan Jonez

Q&A, pt2

So I posted Q&A yesterday to the site as well as to Instagram, and to my surprise the response was if a person deems you important, or the relationship important, they will make the time to communicate with you. But on the flip side, you have to be willing to be prepared to make sacrifices, since they may not always be able to make the time, especially if their job is that demanding.

Its all in the effort! I am willing to make the sacrifice of not being able to speak to you as frequently as I would like If I believe you are making the effort to find the time to speak to me. I believe its vice versa as well. My love would be willing to create the time, if he has to, so that he can communicate with me. And I don’t always expect a phone call, if you can send a text message with just a heart, OMG, I would be exceedingly satisfied. We always say its the small things, and it truly is.

Jonez.