Touch Me. Please.

I want to be in a relationship! I’m over being single! I know I just wrote the other day, that I’m happy I’m not dating, and I’m sticking to that but I’m not asking to date. I want to be married with kids already. Being single sucks some days! Like I have human interactions daily, I probably had my fill of human interaction to last me for a life time. What I’m missing is human touch. If you are single like me, try this and tell me if it doesn’t bring you almost to tears.

First keep an Open Mind. That is key to this exercise.

Is your mind opened? Good. Give someone a 20 second hug. No more, no less. The person hugging you can count out loud to twenty to keep track. Feel free to close your eyes, and really soak in that body to body contact. This first time I did this, I had been single for seven months and I was feeling … every bit of single. That 20 second hug, made me feel the most loved I had in months, and it came from a semi stranger.

Human touch is so powerful. That’s one major downfall of being single, I dont receive human touch as much as I would like or need.

Tristan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay an EX

When you create an Ex, change ur number! Block their number! Do whatever you have to so that you are not in contact with your ex. So after a beat I’m usually able to be friends with an ex, but it obviously depends on how we broke up, and what happened during the relationship. However I can be a weirdo, and be like I just dont want to be bothered with that person, and never have contact with them. The older I get the more I just dont feel like being nice, eff you. You’re an Ex, be that and stay the hell in my past.

So recently I was dating a man, and things were going so great. I was even considering moving to Philadelphia as that’s where he lived, and I wanted to be as close as I could to him. Unfortunately I was just meeting his representative cuz after a few months I got to see the real him and I didnt like what I saw. I’m a person who loves to go out, see the world outside of my bedroom, my block, my city. When I decide to be involved with another human being, that’s not my cue to JUST be cuddled up. HELL NO! Homie thought I was going to be alright with being told we was only going to have three date nights a month! When you decided to be exclusive you cant get comfortable, you have to do the same things you did in the beginning, because there are still going to be men thirsty for your shorty. Dont think she will not leave your ass for someone who appreciates her. Men have this all twisted, I will leave. I can like/love you and still leave. Homie hit me up tonight, but I just dont believe a relationship is doable between the two of us. Plus he has moved on, which is his right to do so. I can’t be mad, but be honest about what it is. You are most definitely allowed to miss me, but dont come back to me once you’ve started dealing with the next.

Dont downplay the relationship you have with this chick. Its not my job to respect her but it is your responsibility. Lord knows I would hate it, if the guy I’m newly with is chatting it up with his last. Nope. Then yall wonder why I said I’m not dating anymore.

Tristan.

Bald But Insecure

I’m not entirely sure why I cut my hair off. I was in a good space, I didnt have any men problems, work was cool. I had been thinking about cutting my hair for some time. It was in a short style for a bit but I was maintaining it. Honestly If I had to think of a reason as to why I would cut all my hair off, I would say I was just tired of it. I was tired of going to the salon, I was tired of having to sleep every so lightly so I wouldn’t mess a curl up, I was just tired of it all. Since I was single I didnt have to take my significant others’ opinion of my hair. I was absolutely free to do whatever I wanted to do so I did.

August 27th, I cut it completely off and I absolutely hated it. I would like to point out I was a bit pressured but ultimately it was my decision. I was 100% was mortified of what I had done. But I put that confident face on, and went on about my day, my week, my month. A few months have gone by and between you & I, I’m still a bit insecure about not having any hair. Ladies, there is hope on the other side, its only hair and it WILL grow back, I promise you. I fight daily, like am I pretty enough? Being damn there bald, makes you not be able to hide behind anything! There’s no barrier between you and the rest of the World, which can be both good and bad.

I salute the women who before me, have revealed in their bald beauty! I think you are so beautiful, and I can only hope to one day, be as confident as you are. Thank you!

Tristan.

Shout Out to the men who have told me how beautiful I am.

Daddy DutiesĀ 

I think I was assigned to the wrong dad. I honestly believe there was some mix up at the hospital I was born in because the man that I’ve been told is my dad, just couldn’t be. 

I am full of love, and goodness. I see only the best in everyone, even when they aren’t putting their best foot forward. In ny thirty years I can’t remember a single event where my dad has been there when absolutely needed. An event where my dad went above for me, where my needs as a child/adult was put before his own. I’ve made mistakes in my life, I’m sure I’ll make a million more, and I’ve corrected my wrongs. I’ve apologized when I didn’t believe I was at fault to save friendships that I thought was important to me. 

Being thirty, I’m still finding myself. I’m still working on who I am as a person and who I’d ultimately like to be. So I’m not always quick to speak up when I should, but bare with me, I’m learning. So something major happened in my life and my dad dropped the ball. I don’t ask for much from anyone, and I’ve stop expecting anything, however I’m disappointed that my dad couldn’t be there for me. 

Based on his attitude, I’ve decided to move forward with my life without him being apart of it. I most definitely love my dad but if you can’t step up, be a man and right your wrongs I want no part. 

Three’s a crowd

So recently I had a conversation with a guy who I’ve been semi friends with for about two years now. Our friendship started off with us being interested in one another but we were both too busy to put forth any real effort. So we are back chatting with one another, and he told me that he is interested in me. He went on to tell me how he believes I am the whole package and we can probably have an amazing life together, If I could agree to a simple request.

His request; he would like to be able to have threesomes with me occasionally, nevermind the fact that I’m not interested in females. Initially I thought the man was joking, but nope he is dead serious. I politely declined. I whole heartily understand that no matter who you choose, or choose you, you will not love everything about that person. However I’m not willing to become bisexual AND have threesome just because he believes we can be amazing together, when its just us two. Honestly, maybe we could’ve been great for each other but I’m not going to fulfil his fantasies at the expense of my inner peace.

Tristan.

Angel Of Harlem

I’m all about food.

If you follow me on Instagram then you know I love Angel of Harlem. I try my best not to frequent it as often as I do but I love it. They have one of the best sangria’s Ive tasted as of late, the white sangria. It has the perfect blend of fruit and wine. I first experienced Angel of Harlem as my sistergirl was celebrating her birthday, with a dinner party. A good time was had by all! Angel of Harlem is one of those places, where grabbing a drink turns into a full fledge party. The Dj is always on point, the next time I go, I will make it my business to find out who is on the turn tables.

The main attraction, according to me is the Salmon. As per the menu it is a pecan crusted salmon on top of roasted Brussels sprouts, rum cranberries with a ginger thyme aioli, basically heaven on your plate then in your mouth. Literally perfection. Angel of Harlem’s Salmon is in my top three. I’m not sure if I would recommend it as a first date night restaurant, only because its super loud but its a fourth date kinda gig.

The vibe is crazy. Its the perfect place to either vibe out or get turnt. Angel of Harlem is a host to plenty of themed nights, so be sure to check their instagram page before you make plans. I partial went to two of their events, one was game night, and the other was a singles mixer. Single Ladies, the men were looking very dapper, very put together. I was impressed with the selection of chocolate that was around, men in suits just coming from work, and men in street wear coming from the gym. Men, the women was there looking very sexy, and well put together. There’s something for everyone. Come Meet me in Harlem soon.

Angel of Harlem, 2272 Frederick Douglass Blvd NY NY 10029
Tristan.

Lumberjack Joe

So I recently went on a date, I know I said Im not dating but shit happens. Let’s call him Lumberjack Joe, so first let me put it out there that he’s not someone I would usually date, but since I’m not dating I figured I should expand my horizon. On first look, he was very hoboish looking, 80’s style, he looked much older than thirty two but he was sweet and charming so why not give this man a chance.

We met on 145th street, I took the train he rode his bike. In person he looked the same as his photos on OKCupid, bald with a healthy beard, wearing a fanny pack, a dad hat and cut off shorts. Our first destination was his favorite African eatery in harlem, food was pretty good, conversation was slow but started to pick up towards the end of the meal. At this point Im not really feeling like we are a match, not really feeling any sparks. Lumberjack Joe advises me he has a child, 18 months, in my mind Im like oh hell no. A man having a child, especially under five is an instant NO. Now we are done with lunch so we are walking back up the hill on 145th in route to grab drinks.

The time now is 4:15, happy hour is not until 5 so he wants to kill the time before we go to the spot. This annoys me a tad bit, If we are on a date, you as the man take on the responsibility of being able to pay for the date, especially if this is something that you have planned. If you knew that happy hour started at 5, then you should have started the date at 4 so it would flow right into drinks. But okay. So we are at Riverside Park lounging, chit chatting about nothing and everything, people watching, enjoying the breeze.

The time goes by quickly so we are now having drinks. I start babbling about my baby, my website, and I light up. When it comes to my art, I can take about it for hours. He shows an interest in it, so we are bouncing ideas off of each other, the conversation is flowing, this is nice. I’m still not feeling anything but I do like him … as a friend. I’m not getting any butterflies but he attentive, hand on mine, a touch here, a smile there. It’s refreshing to meet someone who can converse intelligently.

Let me back track, I was a bit late to meet up with him as I was coming from work and I wanted to change out of my uniform. Lumberjack Joe made the comment about since I was late I’ll be the one paying for drinks. I laughed it off cuz I thought he was joking, well he wasnt. Now I dont have an issue every paying for dinner/date but I wont do it for the first one. And if I do, you’re a dub to me. I would never take you serious because you fail to know the rules of engagement.

So I paid for the drinks, and never went out with him again.

Tristan.