When Life is Travel; You'll Find the Adventure in Living!
Life is funny like that.
Sometimes I really wonder if my life is a reality show to the angels. And if they’re constantly yelling plot twist! The number of weird randomness happening is at an all time high, and I’m just trying to get thru my work week without falling on my face. If tonight was the season finale for my reality show, I’m scared but slightly excited for next season’s foolery.
Jonezy
While I was walking down memory lane this week, I came to the realization that I can’t fake “it” anymore. It will serve as a multitude of things but whatever it is, I can’t fake it. As I get mature, I only want to be apart of friendships built on realness. I want to feel real orgasms, you can’t be rewarded if you’re not working hard to reach the goal. And I will stop aiding those who have yet to find the sweetest spot on a woman.
We ALL know life is short, and we’re ALL trying to live our best life. So we have to start cutting out the fakeness, the excess, the nonsense. Let’s get back, or learn how to stop “Faking it” for the fuck of it. I want to be as genuine as I can possibly be and I want the same for you.
Tristan Jonez
Such a Loaded Question, huh?
A bad relationship ultimately and simply is any relationship you don’t really want to be in. Sex can only sustain any relationship for so long, unless it’s FWB. So many folks, including myself, have tried to stretch a relationship but it won’t work. It gets tiring quickly.
Good sex will only sustain you until you find yourself in a better situation… with someone you actually want to pursue. Matter fact, even in a FWB situation, you’ll grow annoyed with everything besides the sex. True Story, when I was dating someone, only the sex was a highlight to them, after a while, the sex couldn’t even overshadow the person.
So how long can good sex sustain a “bad” relationship?
Tristan J.
*FWB – Friends with Benefits
As much as it pains me to go through a break up, failed relationships are essential to my growth as a woman. Once the sting of the break up wears off, I’m able to look at where things may have gone wrong, and correct them. We aren’t always able to remain friends with our exes, but if you do remain cordial and can have an “exit” conversation, please do.
I grew up after my first real break up, I had to. We were pregnant and engaged, walking away was the hardest thing I had to do but I couldn’t continue to sell myself short. I’m always willing to work on “us” but not at the expense of myself. I learned some of my greatest lessons with him, how to listen to my partner, how to not want to have the last word about everything, how to let someone else lead for a while, etc. If we don’t have failed relationships we’d never know how we can improved ourselves, plus it’s growth the objective?
Tristan Jonez.
My latest topic was to include asking the age old question, “Do you have a “What If Guy” but I’ll be saving that for another day. I just realized, it’s possible that I’m the “Back Up Girl”
In my head I heard the SVU sound, dah dah. I definitely don’t want to be anyone’s fall back chick, Ew. Out of the men I’ve seriously dated, there are only two that I am no longer cordial with, however I’ve remained friendly with the rest. Is it so far fetched that they stay in contact with me, just in case their relationships don’t work out in a way that they’ve planned them to? Or is my thinking totally off?
Someone I was dating as a young adult recently attempted to reconnect with me, but it was so out of the blue. And to make matters stranger, he didn’t ease into it, it was more like “I miss you, Let’s be together… I’m serious this time.” So were you not serious before? Without even asking me if I’m involved, he just made an assumption that I’m single and looking to be in a relationship with him. Eh. Since I haven’t responded happily to his new revelation I haven’t heard from him, besides him “liking” my photos on Instagram.
Now do you see why I’ve given up the idea of dating? Migraine City.
Tristan J.
While growing up in Baltimore has helped me create long lasting friendships, it’s also given me one of my most painful relationships. I met Troy* when I was 14, and my little World stopped. He was the most mysterious boy I had ever met. I promise you, I wasn’t even a factor in his day and he was my whole damn World. I was too shy to speak two words to him but I just knew it was love. As the months went by we became cordial, can’t help but to be when you see each other every day. I would constantly discuss him with my friends, but they were sick of my obsession. Unfortunately, with Baltimore being the crime capital of the world, at that time, Troy was arrested for a crime unknown to me, but I saw that as my opportunity to empower myself and reach out to him.
I couldn’t tell you how many letters I wrote but the care and love that went into each one was my therapy, I’m sure it was his as well. My feelings were solidified every time he wrote me back. I do believe our forever friendship was forged during that time. Unfortunately we would never be together in any capacity, it’s weird, cuz I love this man. Still. I’m sure it has everything to do with how he views me. To him, I’m the best of the best from Baltimore , Im his Queen, his best friend, his wife and the mother of his only son. Troy respects me in a way that no man has ever, he places me on a pedestal, that I could never live up to but I love him equally.
In Troy I see my motivator, my biggest fan, my protector from all things seen and unseen, he’s my best friend, my love, my dream, and even with all the beautiful qualities he possesses we will never be together. I’m not sure if it was ever written for us to embark on a journey together.
However, whatever the future may possibly hold, Troy, I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, and I’ll love you forever.
Tristan Jonez
*Name Has been Changed
As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.
How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’
Jonez
I’ve always wondered how men approach dating, how they decided where they should take a date, if they thought through how the evening would go, was any real planning involved or if they just showed up and winged the whole shit. I had a very brief conversation with a friend tonight who stated something along the lines of women only care about a man’s money, and they don’t be wanting to date a broke man. To me, there are degrees of broke so I questioned the word broke but he didn’t break down what he meant by broke.
I can ONLY speak for myself, but I don’t want to date a broke man. Broke being the inability to take US on a date, such as dinner and a movie and the like. I honestly believe myself to be a woman who likes a variety of dates, I’m extremely happy going to The MET museum, and it’s free but it does Cost to date! How will we get to know each other if I never see you interact in social settings. As a grown ass woman, with standards, I shouldn’t have to deprive myself of the activities I like to partake in because you can’t afford to participate. If I love to travel, but you hate to explore a new country, does that mean I should give up my love for travel?
Just like you should live within your mean, you should also date your wage. Perhaps there’s a girl out there that enjoys meeting up to chill, or solely talking on the phone for months at a time. I know that wouldn’t work for me. However if you are upfront with what you expect while dating, lord knows this will save everyone time and energy.
Tristan Jonez
Big Up to Netflix.
I just finished watching The Incredible Jessica James and I think I need to watch that shit again! How can you not love a woman who speaks her mind, on a first tender date, letting this man know he’s getting no sex. Classic. Such a self assured blk woman, but is she really so self assured?
I love that we got to see into her “family” life, when she returns home for her sister’s baby shower. Even I felt as if she didn’t belong there, or she too would get “sucked” into that complacent lifestyle. Kudos to her for getting out! I love that we are able to see Jessica And Boone go thru their break up (to other people) but still try to figure out wtf they are doing with to and with one another. An unlikely pairing, blossoms, awkwardly at times, into something that could be more for both. I throughly enjoyed the interaction between Jessica and Boone. I’m a bit sadden that it was a movie, and now I’m stuck creating a part two in my head.
The Incredible Jessica James is currently showing on Netflix. If you do have it, get the password from a friend!
Tristan Jonez
Thirsty.
I had to have a conversation with myself last night. I was being a bit thirsty, and it was coming off as desperation when I looked at my words/actions. As much as you don’t want to be single, don’t force it. Things should have a nice flow to it, and if you find yourself trying to create a vibe, instead of letting a vibe grow organically, you might be coming off as thirsty too.
As much as I want to be done with this dating nonsense, I can’t fake chemistry where there is none. I remember dating this one guy that was amazing! Super supportive, kind, genuinely liked me, but for me there was no spark! I thought he was dope as hell, but I didn’t feel anything. Dating him was out of the box for me, he was nothing that I would go for but my dating preferences can’t be trusted. How effed up would I have been if I continue to date this amazing man who I had no interest in?
Ultimately you have to stay true to yourself and sometimes even check yourself!
Jonez
Sometimes you have to sit back and look at all the amazing things that are happening in your life and appreciate them. I’m so freaking blessed, that it’s pointless to even list everything that’s going on. Do I have areas of opportunity (improvements) yes plenty, but I’m going to focus on all that’s currently making me happy.
After forever of trying, my booty is bigger! 🙌🏾 Ladies, Walk! It’s the root of all good things. I’ve been drinking water like it’s going out of style, so my skin is looking like a beautiful chocolate bar! I’m edible. I’ve been making it a priority to hang out, to see new things in my own city, and I’ve been loving it. Queens still sucks but I’m managing well. My small circle of friends have been showing out lately! Making me feel like the luckiest girl, shout out to NoIGMoshè!
Sure there’s a million things going severely wrong but I ain’t worried bout that! Nah I’m going to focus on the blessings that are pouring down on me. You should do the same, if you aren’t! Lovessssss you!
Jonezy
I am a final destination for the person who is supposed to be with me. I am not a pit stop for those trying to find their way through life’s journey! I know I am amazing! I am dedicated to doing almost whatever is necessary to ensure a man reaches his potential. However I am not here to be a step stool, nah. It’s possible I’m just in feels right now, cuz I am so tired of men having their hand out for what they believe I should be doing for them. When did it become my job to court a man? Is it also my job to my open the door for my date, pick up my date from his house? What else am I now required to do for a man?
I ask for consistency. I’m sure there are many other things I ask for from a man but everything I ask for I can give and am willing to give. I KNOW I can play the game just like, if not better than a man. But who the hell has time for that? Certainly not I. So … for the time being I will be focusing on what I need to do to better myself. When the time is right, my King will make himself known. Until then, I’m just out here living Life.
Thank you for letting me vent!
Jonezy
Jonez, Where We Going? 