FYI Venting.

Can I complain for a bit?

I’m so sick of humans. Sick! I just want to meet people who value honesty. Who value communication! Omitting the full scope of what’s happening is lying! In my next life I really want to meet people who are open, upfront and direct. If we’re having an interaction why do I have to read between the fucking lines? Why can’t you just tell me the whole & full story? My gawd.

I thought I wasn’t asking for too much when I asked folks to properly communicate. However the joke is on me because apparently I’ve been asking for wayyyyyyyy too much. Leaving out bits, that I’m going to find out later is insulting to my intelligence. I thought the minimum in friendships was communication cuz If we aren’t chatting what are we doing? Fucking a.

People get on my goddamn nerves. Just cuz I don’t always speak on it, doesn’t mean I didn’t peep it babes.

Jonez.

Tragedy.

What tragedy or celebration warrants a phone call? What event has to happen for you to call your friend, fam or whomever. I KNOW we all generally text because it’s easier really but are phone calls obsolete? Although I don’t think I’m extra, I know my actions are sometimes seen as a rarity. I’m going to call for specific and special occasions. I’m going to send a card to commemorate the memory or event. At this point everyone in the World is so extremely busy, but when it comes to your friends, who do you make time for?

SideNote, I don’t do anything because I want it in return. My intentions and actions are always pure but It’s tiring to keep doing and doing and doing for others, and those same folks pay you dust.

Tristan J.

Little This/That

I want folks to speak up about grievances they have with me, when they feel them. What good is waiting two months to speak on something that ails you, if when you do want to address it, I have no idea what you’re referring to. Now if you need time and space to calm down, I’m going to give you all the space you require, but let me know something. Its so frustrating to me, when someone brings up the past, then I have to play mental gymnastics to remember, then the issue is solved instantly because I let them know what’s what. Nothing I ever do is with ill intent, Ever.

And furthermore, If you believe I move in that manner, you should evaluate your friendship with me.

Jonez.

Lessons

For the past few weeks, Ive stopped to take an inventory of how I interact with people, and how they in turn interact with me. Nothing I do, is ever because I am looking for something in return from others. NEVER! I am always my friends biggest cheerleader, biggest supporter, because I know they out here grinding to make their dreams come true, so why wouldn’t I support them? I am not always able to support their businesses with monetary gains but I’ll plug and plug on social media. My audience might not be large, but its powerful and I am consistent.

However, I am tired of giving and giving, and never really seeing those SAME folks, going hard for me. Supporting me. Assisting with promoting me on social media. Hell, just a kind word or greeting. Truly be interested in what’s going on with me. I had a ‘friend’ who I haven’t spoken to in months, hit me up to promote her business … girl, Fuck you and that business. Of course, I didn’t say that, I just ignored her request but It was utterly ridiculous. Like Boo, Oh you remember me now?

I say this to say, Its a miracle to not turn into a bitter bitty but you can’t let the way other folks behave cause you to wilt. Don’t let people turn you into someone you aren’t. I know it gets annoying but keep it pushing, and keep searching until you find your tribe!

Tristan Jones.

Tox ic

Regardless of their title, IF they are toxic, leave them right where they are. I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well that’s still your parent’, so many times, to which I now say, SO WHAT! I am no longer accepting that, as logical reasoning as to why I should continue to allow someone into my life. I cant control anyone’s action but my own, however If I am telling you, the things you are doing is causing harm, and you continue on, then you’re blatantly expressing to me, that you could care less about me. So you’ll no longer be a part of my World.

Do you keep toxic folks in your life because of their title/position to you?

Tristan Jonez.

Zoom Partyyy

Last Night, I hosted a quarantine Happy hour. I posted it on my social media outlets, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure who, If anyone, was going to show up. Well… imagine my surprise when my childhood friends came thru for me. I’ll be the first to admit I was nervous, it such a hard thing to put yourself out there, not knowing what the outcome will be. I had such a great time, I am so glad I thought about doing this, I am even glader (I know, not a word) that they came to happy hour with me. Such a great time, of laughs, and being able to be together, although we couldn’t actually be together.

Jonez.

Also Shout out to my boo, for coming thru to a happy hour and not knowing who the hell would be there, or what the topics would be about. Thank you for taking a leap, and joining, you are truly appreciated. Forever!

I am tired of always telling folks how they should show up for me, in certain situations. I am tired of being the example I would like reflected back at me. Tired of being there for people when they need it, but not receiving the same support. I know I cant control the way in which someone chooses to support me, BUT support me. Sometimes I think my purpose in life is to be in service of others, making sure they are okay, checking in on them, etc, but every once in a while, I’d like someone to say “Thanks for checking on me, truthfully, how are you doing?” Being the ‘strong’ one is annoying, cuz folks thinks you really have your shit together and you don’t. Not even close but because you don’t have that ‘rock’ you’re left to pick up the pieces of your life.

Thank God for counseling.

Find your tribe, and love on them hard. I’m still seeking mine.

Jonez.

This Chapter …

Is called, “Worry ‘Bout Yo’ Self!”

Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.

What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?

Tristan Jonez.

Birthday Love

So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?

I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.

Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

How do you know when it’s time to cut your losses and stop investing in someone? Maybe this question would be better posed to someone who invest in stocks and bonds so we could have an accurate depiction of how the process works. Maybe if we started treating our relationships/friendships in the same manner we do our finances, we’d be more successful? Although everyone’s finances aren’t anything I’d use as a go to guide.

Could we ever create a winning formula for relationships, using the same tools to invest in something financially? what would goals look like? What ‘mile markers’ could be created to determine the worthiness of investment? Could one’s dating history be an indication of anything other than what’s happened in the past? Since feelings change daily, how could we determine when it’s no longer ‘profitable’ to us as the individual to invest?

Tristan Jonez

Finish Last.

For a few days, I’ve been thinking of this text, a friend sent me. I’m genuinely nice, all the time. Never looking for anything in return. Just wanting folks to change their perspective, and see the good that’s to be seen in a situation. Do I have moments where I’m stuck complaining? Yes! But I try to set limits on those moments, cuz truly what do we get out of complaining?

I personally know life is a fragile, beautiful but short thing. I didn’t put my all into people as I should’ve while they were alive, so I use that to continue to move forward but to be as pleasant as I can. I’ve been thinking about what I want to be remembered for, what’s my legacy? I want folks to always feel I genuinely cared for them, that my niceness knew no bounds when it came to making them happy.

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

I know we agreed we’d only be speaking positive about ourselves and pouring positivity Into us but I’m having a hard time not saying … What I hate about myself is! So since I haven’t found a better way of saying “it”, imma just say it. I cannot stand the way I give folks the opportunity to correct themselves in how they interact with me, and they don’t take advantage of it. THEN when I’m done, and no longer giving out lessons, they feel slighted. Loyalty, is not just a word, it’s an embodiment! Or at least it should be, fuck.

I’m a different person when I no longer give af about you. I KNOW people have the tendency to take advantage of my kindness, my awesomeness, but that’s just the way I’m built. Trust, I’ve tried to change but that’s not my way. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you see it, one of my friends won’t be able to count on me in any capacity. And if I should say, I’m a great friend to have in your corner.

Tristan J.