Dating Isn’t Free

I’ve always wondered how men approach dating, how they decided where they should take a date, if they thought through how the evening would go, was any real planning involved or if they just showed up and winged the whole shit. I had a very brief conversation with a friend tonight who stated something along the lines of women only care about a man’s money, and they don’t be wanting to date a broke man. To me, there are degrees of broke so I questioned the word broke but he didn’t break down what he meant by broke.

I can ONLY speak for myself, but I don’t want to date a broke man. Broke being the inability to take US on a date, such as dinner and a movie and the like. I honestly believe myself to be a woman who likes a variety of dates, I’m extremely happy going to The MET museum, and it’s free but it does Cost to date! How will we get to know each other if I never see you interact in social settings. As a grown ass woman, with standards, I shouldn’t have to deprive myself of the activities I like to partake in because you can’t afford to participate. If I love to travel, but you hate to explore a new country, does that mean I should give up my love for travel?

Just like you should live within your mean, you should also date your wage. Perhaps there’s a girl out there that enjoys meeting up to chill, or solely talking on the phone for months at a time. I know that wouldn’t work for me. However if you are upfront with what you expect while dating, lord knows this will save everyone time and energy.

Tristan Jonez

Incredible Unicorn

Big Up to Netflix.

I just finished watching The Incredible Jessica James and I think I need to watch that shit again! How can you not love a woman who speaks her mind, on a first tender date, letting this man know he’s getting no sex. Classic. Such a self assured blk woman, but is she really so self assured?

I love that we got to see into her “family” life, when she returns home for her sister’s baby shower. Even I felt as if she didn’t belong there, or she too would get “sucked” into that complacent lifestyle. Kudos to her for getting out! I love that we are able to see Jessica And Boone go thru their break up (to other people) but still try to figure out wtf they are doing with to and with one another. An unlikely pairing, blossoms, awkwardly at times, into something that could be more for both. I throughly enjoyed the interaction between Jessica and Boone. I’m a bit sadden that it was a movie, and now I’m stuck creating a part two in my head.

The Incredible Jessica James is currently showing on Netflix. If you do have it, get the password from a friend!

Tristan Jonez

Drink?

Thirsty.

I had to have a conversation with myself last night. I was being a bit thirsty, and it was coming off as desperation when I looked at my words/actions. As much as you don’t want to be single, don’t force it. Things should have a nice flow to it, and if you find yourself trying to create a vibe, instead of letting a vibe grow organically, you might be coming off as thirsty too.

As much as I want to be done with this dating nonsense, I can’t fake chemistry where there is none. I remember dating this one guy that was amazing! Super supportive, kind, genuinely liked me, but for me there was no spark! I thought he was dope as hell, but I didn’t feel anything. Dating him was out of the box for me, he was nothing that I would go for but my dating preferences can’t be trusted. How effed up would I have been if I continue to date this amazing man who I had no interest in?

Ultimately you have to stay true to yourself and sometimes even check yourself!

Jonez

In my feels

Sometimes you have to sit back and look at all the amazing things that are happening in your life and appreciate them. I’m so freaking blessed, that it’s pointless to even list everything that’s going on. Do I have areas of opportunity (improvements) yes plenty, but I’m going to focus on all that’s currently making me happy.

After forever of trying, my booty is bigger! 🙌🏾 Ladies, Walk! It’s the root of all good things. I’ve been drinking water like it’s going out of style, so my skin is looking like a beautiful chocolate bar! I’m edible. I’ve been making it a priority to hang out, to see new things in my own city, and I’ve been loving it. Queens still sucks but I’m managing well. My small circle of friends have been showing out lately! Making me feel like the luckiest girl, shout out to NoIGMoshè!

Sure there’s a million things going severely wrong but I ain’t worried bout that! Nah I’m going to focus on the blessings that are pouring down on me. You should do the same, if you aren’t! Lovessssss you!

Jonezy

#RiskHappy

A Huge Shout Out to the Amazing folks over at #RiskHappy! Huge Huge Shout Out!

I can’t even begin to question why these amazing folks slid into my DM to Thank me?! For Guess What? For Supporting Them! Listen Linda!

If you are unfamiliar with #RiskHappy, first take the time to check out their website, Riskhappy.co // The Purpose of #RiskHappy is a stance against comfort zones (I love mine) insecurity, mediocrity, and the like. Their Goal is to help people become friends with fear.

As Scared as I am with the projects I’m currently working on, I find myself heading over to #RiskHappy Instagram quite often to not only finding inspiration but to be motivated by the stories that are featured.

Its funny too, because (The day they reached out) someone was just telling me how much of an unhappy person I was, and here #RiskHappy comes along showing that clearly I’m not as unhappy as this man was trying to tell me I was. All you had to do is BE YOU, and those folks that are supposed to be in your life will be! The people who are supposed to help you grow will do so. What is meant for you, will ALWAYS be yours! PERIOD! Just a tad bit of math, #RiskHappy has 21.3K followers, and yet they were still able to Reach out to me, with my amazing 754 followers! I am not questioning why they chose to reach out to me, just thanking them for doing so! I appreciate you more than my words could ever describe.

Thank you again!

Tristan Jonez

Love & Death

I loved a man once.

He was the easiest to love, to like, to talk to, to be around, he was everything. I didn’t realize how ‘everything’ he was until recently. Even though he is gone, and has been for some time, he’s not. He was my best friend before I knew what I needed from a best friend. The thought of him makes me smile more than it makes me cry, and I only cry cuz I can’t experience him in ‘living color’.

I miss him.

I know I tell you guys this often, but make sure you are expressing yourself to your loved ones, to your friends, to yourself. Make sure they know how you love them, how much you love them, and that you appreciate them. I have peace in my heart because I know how much I was loved by this man, and on the flip side, I rest easy knowing that he knew how much I loved him. How I would do anything for him, to ensure his happiness. Sometimes what we believe we want for ourselves, outweights everything else, including our common sense. As I long as I live, I will keep his memory alive, if only within myself.

Rest Easy Ali Sidney.

Tristan Jonez.

Dre/Sid

Brown Sugar.

One of my favorite movies, in life. Brown Sugar. Sidney (Sid) and Andre (Dre), met through hip hop, then fell in love cuz of hip hop. I knew a real life Sid and Dre, except they didn’t have the happy ending, and they never would.

Lets call the real life couple, Tiff and J. They bonded over life, over sarcasm, over living. Life was better and brighter because they had each other. Word is bond, shorty was tight. When J found a new restaurant, it was Tiff who he called to experience it with. When Tiff needed a break from everyday life’s annoyance, it was J who she called. A friendship could not have been any more perfect, THEN love ruined it.

When it was revealed, that J was in love, Tiff tried to make herself feel something she didn’t at the time. The friendship took a dive, it crashed and burned. Time heals all wounds, but it could not heal this. Feelings were already hurt, so J moved on, gets engaged, has a child. But you never forget the girl that set your heart on fire, in all ways.

Jonez.

Dude Stop.

I want to believe I am honest in what I write, especially when it comes to information about myself. Plus folks are going to judge, so I’d rather folks judge me based on my actual truth. Since I turned 31, I’ve felt as if I have to get married, I have to have children, sooner than later, so I was making decision based of that fact. WRONG MOVE!

Recently I realized Im out here looking nuts. I’m allowing shit from men that I wouldn’t even date otherwise, dealing with BS just cuz I panicked that I would be alone. I was like well Jonez, having someone who is half decent is better than not having anyone at all. See, I was straight tripping! I had to really be honest with myself about my actions, I had to make the choice, to make myself happy long term. I left two relationships in my life because of the long term. I wasn’t wit being disrespected at 25, so I had to chat with myself cuz allowing disrespect now, wasn’t the move.

Plus Im not alone, I have you guys. Loves You.

Tristan Jonez

The Outside World

In a minute, I’m going to post this question to Instagram, but I wanted to enter my own views on ‘wax’ before my opinion was swayed by others.

You’ve just experienced an emergency, the guy you’re dating can assist, but doesn’t/failed to do so. Would you continue to date them?

In my humble opinion, I’m not going to continue to date you. Strictly on principle, because if the situation was reversed I would do what I could to help. Especially if this is someone I want to be with. Now obviously, providing assistance comes within reason, for example if they are a relator and you’re looking for an apartment, I would assume they would assist. Or if I’m in the market for a car, and he had a relationship with a car dealership, I would assume he would at least make the introduction. I know the art of chivalry is dead, but I want my guy to be soaking in gentlemanly qualities. I don’t want to date a man, who doesn’t at least try to remedy a problem I may be having. My relationship should be the peace, from the outside World.

Jonez.

AliSidney

Is it possible to ever really get over someone? What if that person is your soulmate?

I dont think there is a day that goes by that I do not think of Ali Sidney. He is still my dream man, my prince charming, my first love. I’m present in this moment as I am in every moment, and right now my thoughts are on him. I write about him from time to time, not as much as I should, but as much as needed. Lately I’ve been missing his friendship, he was my very best friend. I could tell him anything and he would be able to give me solutions in a way that no one has ever been able to duplicate. My soul aches for the man he could’ve become, the father, the friend, the future him.

Suicide is honestly a permanent solution to what is usually a temporary problem. It is a selfish decision, that affects all but the one committing suicide. You’re gone but we are left to deal with the pieces, some of which takes years to heal from. Wanting to quit is normal, but if you are harboring these feelings, take the time to reach out to someone. There are several avenues that are available to you, please know that you are NOT alone. I love you, and I am here to help in any and every way.

Tristan Jonez.

Tremaine (The Album)

Its been a full week since the release of Trey Songz self titled album “Tremaine”, and for starters it is appropriately named. In my opinion, this is Trey’s most intimate work, it not only shows his maturity as an adult, but it shows his vulnerability as a man. Although cliche, I could see this album being named Trey Songz V. Tremaine, but he embodies both part of himself, equally. So he is not battling himself, he has accepted that he wants to settle down (Nobody Else but You) but at his core he is still a (Playboy). Trey shows he is still ‘Mr.Steal your girl on (The Sheets…Still) but its as if he’s telling us he is trying to be for only one girl. Imagine you have the opportunity to not only express your feelings but you are able to act on those feelings, the only catch is, you have until the (Song goes off)

Trey Songz takes point on (Animal) as he describes how ‘wild’ his lady gets in bed. In this song he is matching his movements to her. In my mind, the video would be visually pleasing, with them being in the jungle, a camera in hand, but it wouldn’t be cheesy.

My favorite song has to be (1×1) the beat flows perfectly with the lyrics, I don’t want to call it classic club song, but it definitely should be in club banger rotation. Imagine being at a function, and you make eye contact with a stranger from across the floor, however he doesn’t approach immediately, so you start preforming for him. And while he is watching you, in his mind he is dreaming about coming over at 3am.

(Picture Perfect) Is a song from Tremaine to us. He’s asking us to examine if its really as it seems. Are we really happy, does that man your with truly make you happy. Because if it isn’t there is someone out here that’s willing to put in work for you time, ‘cuz your worth it.

Tremaine is definitely an album you should pick up, yes it is a bit different from his past work but he has matured not only in age, but musically.

Tristan Jonez

Friends?

Beware of the Men who put themselves in the Friend Zone.

I love having male friends, they help to create a balance in my life that I wouldn’t otherwise have. However I am a bit skeptical when guys that I have previously dated or have talked to are requesting to be my friend. I allow it but I am sure to create boundaries. I’m not sure what their intentions are, so I make sure I tell them what is acceptable in our new found friendship. At times I do think Its a ploy so they will be able to get into my panties but once I am done with you as a love interest, its very rare I will go back on that decision.

I encourage you to listen to your gut feeling, if your gut is like nah b. Then let that non existent friendship die. There are MILLIONS of people out there that you can create friendships with. But if you are cool with allowing a man to place himself in the friend zone, just be mindful of his words and actions.

Tristan Jonez