Lay Claim

I claim ownership over no one. Everyone is their own person, to live and love as they see fit. Personally I love fully in my own spirit, to do as I please, for as long as it pleases me. I do not, and cannot make anyone ‘stay’ because when Its time for me to leave, I do. I’ve always tried to be the best version of myself, see the good in folks, and live life as if it was the most precious gift I could’ve ever been given. There have been times where my significant other couldn’t not relate to me, but you would have to step outside of yourself to understand, and honestly most people wont.

I want you all to be true to the essence of you. No matter what that may look like to others. Only claim ownership over your own soul, then you’ll be able to move in ways which you haven’t before.

Tristan Jonez.

Prize Money

I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action!

I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!

Jonez

Married? Eh.

For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.

SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?

Jonez.

No Request Granted

I can be super honest and open with you all right? Without judgement? Even tho, I don’t give a shit about anyone judging me, but y’all wouldn’t.

By a show of hands, how many of us had a “friendwithbenefits”? Well I did. However I wouldn’t necessarily say we were friends. I wasn’t making plans for us to hang out outside of a bedroom, and he wasn’t calling so we could chop it up about our life goals. Our relationship was very specific, we talked enough to assess what was needed sexually. The few times we ventured into actual conversation about actual topics, things felt weird, at least for me.

So imagine my utter shock and surprise when he requested me on Facebook! Like ummmm Sir, what is you doing baby? It’s weird thinking of him going through my photos, and seeing my friends, reading my thoughts, I haven’t accepted the request and I’m not sure if I will.

Would you?

Tristan J

Who is Respecting Who?

Even though most would say this is the season of the side chick, I think we have to keep into perspective, that we are all one choice from being a side chick, unfortunately.

I almost found myself in such a position, but then I chin checked myself. Although I am single, and able to do WHATEVER the hell I want, I chose to be aware of the complete situation. If I willingly ‘date’ a man in a committed relationship, then I deserve whatever Karma may have in store for me. He may not respect the relationship, but you definitely have to respect yourself enough to not play seconds to someone else. We can’t always blame the shortcomings or the demise of a relationship on the man who is in said relationship, especially if the other person is aware. Now, I’m not saying you should approach the ‘other woman’ cuz ultimately Its for the man to take full responsibility.

However my question still stands, If he doesn’t respect the relationship he is in, should you?

Tristan Jonez.

Make Me Fake It.

While I was walking down memory lane this week, I came to the realization that I can’t fake “it” anymore. It will serve as a multitude of things but whatever it is, I can’t fake it. As I get mature, I only want to be apart of friendships built on realness. I want to feel real orgasms, you can’t be rewarded if you’re not working hard to reach the goal. And I will stop aiding those who have yet to find the sweetest spot on a woman.

We ALL know life is short, and we’re ALL trying to live our best life. So we have to start cutting out the fakeness, the excess, the nonsense. Let’s get back, or learn how to stop “Faking it” for the fuck of it. I want to be as genuine as I can possibly be and I want the same for you.

Tristan Jonez

Beneficial?

Such a Loaded Question, huh?

A bad relationship ultimately and simply is any relationship you don’t really want to be in. Sex can only sustain any relationship for so long, unless it’s FWB. So many folks, including myself, have tried to stretch a relationship but it won’t work. It gets tiring quickly.

Good sex will only sustain you until you find yourself in a better situation… with someone you actually want to pursue. Matter fact, even in a FWB situation, you’ll grow annoyed with everything besides the sex. True Story, when I was dating someone, only the sex was a highlight to them, after a while, the sex couldn’t even overshadow the person.

So how long can good sex sustain a “bad” relationship?

Tristan J.

*FWB – Friends with Benefits

Failed but Not.

As much as it pains me to go through a break up, failed relationships are essential to my growth as a woman. Once the sting of the break up wears off, I’m able to look at where things may have gone wrong, and correct them. We aren’t always able to remain friends with our exes, but if you do remain cordial and can have an “exit” conversation, please do.

I grew up after my first real break up, I had to. We were pregnant and engaged, walking away was the hardest thing I had to do but I couldn’t continue to sell myself short. I’m always willing to work on “us” but not at the expense of myself. I learned some of my greatest lessons with him, how to listen to my partner, how to not want to have the last word about everything, how to let someone else lead for a while, etc. If we don’t have failed relationships we’d never know how we can improved ourselves, plus it’s growth the objective?

Tristan Jonez.

Option Two?

My latest topic was to include asking the age old question, “Do you have a “What If Guy” but I’ll be saving that for another day. I just realized, it’s possible that I’m the “Back Up Girl”

In my head I heard the SVU sound, dah dah. I definitely don’t want to be anyone’s fall back chick, Ew. Out of the men I’ve seriously dated, there are only two that I am no longer cordial with, however I’ve remained friendly with the rest. Is it so far fetched that they stay in contact with me, just in case their relationships don’t work out in a way that they’ve planned them to? Or is my thinking totally off?

Someone I was dating as a young adult recently attempted to reconnect with me, but it was so out of the blue. And to make matters stranger, he didn’t ease into it, it was more like “I miss you, Let’s be together… I’m serious this time.” So were you not serious before? Without even asking me if I’m involved, he just made an assumption that I’m single and looking to be in a relationship with him. Eh. Since I haven’t responded happily to his new revelation I haven’t heard from him, besides him “liking” my photos on Instagram.

Now do you see why I’ve given up the idea of dating? Migraine City.

Tristan J.

Worth the Wait? I’ll never know

While growing up in Baltimore has helped me create long lasting friendships, it’s also given me one of my most painful relationships. I met Troy* when I was 14, and my little World stopped. He was the most mysterious boy I had ever met. I promise you, I wasn’t even a factor in his day and he was my whole damn World. I was too shy to speak two words to him but I just knew it was love. As the months went by we became cordial, can’t help but to be when you see each other every day. I would constantly discuss him with my friends, but they were sick of my obsession. Unfortunately, with Baltimore being the crime capital of the world, at that time, Troy was arrested for a crime unknown to me, but I saw that as my opportunity to empower myself and reach out to him.
I couldn’t tell you how many letters I wrote but the care and love that went into each one was my therapy, I’m sure it was his as well. My feelings were solidified every time he wrote me back. I do believe our forever friendship was forged during that time. Unfortunately we would never be together in any capacity, it’s weird, cuz I love this man. Still. I’m sure it has everything to do with how he views me. To him, I’m the best of the best from Baltimore , Im his Queen, his best friend, his wife and the mother of his only son. Troy respects me in a way that no man has ever, he places me on a pedestal, that I could never live up to but I love him equally.

In Troy I see my motivator, my biggest fan, my protector from all things seen and unseen, he’s my best friend, my love, my dream, and even with all the beautiful qualities he possesses we will never be together. I’m not sure if it was ever written for us to embark on a journey together.

However, whatever the future may possibly hold, Troy, I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, and I’ll love you forever.

Tristan Jonez

*Name Has been Changed

Single Blues

As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.

How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’

Jonez

Dating Isn’t Free

I’ve always wondered how men approach dating, how they decided where they should take a date, if they thought through how the evening would go, was any real planning involved or if they just showed up and winged the whole shit. I had a very brief conversation with a friend tonight who stated something along the lines of women only care about a man’s money, and they don’t be wanting to date a broke man. To me, there are degrees of broke so I questioned the word broke but he didn’t break down what he meant by broke.

I can ONLY speak for myself, but I don’t want to date a broke man. Broke being the inability to take US on a date, such as dinner and a movie and the like. I honestly believe myself to be a woman who likes a variety of dates, I’m extremely happy going to The MET museum, and it’s free but it does Cost to date! How will we get to know each other if I never see you interact in social settings. As a grown ass woman, with standards, I shouldn’t have to deprive myself of the activities I like to partake in because you can’t afford to participate. If I love to travel, but you hate to explore a new country, does that mean I should give up my love for travel?

Just like you should live within your mean, you should also date your wage. Perhaps there’s a girl out there that enjoys meeting up to chill, or solely talking on the phone for months at a time. I know that wouldn’t work for me. However if you are upfront with what you expect while dating, lord knows this will save everyone time and energy.

Tristan Jonez