S4,E10

One of the most emotional episodes of Sons of Anarchy, for me, is Season 4, Episode 10. So many characters are affected by the choice of Clay. Although I’ve seen the series multiples times, in pieces, I’m rewatching with “fresh eyes”. So obviously I knew he would complete his task, although he had no solid reason to continue except his greed. I don’t think he truly cares about Jax finding out as much as the club finding out his true intentions. Bobby’s on to him, but solely calling him out for being greedy. Even if the “Donna” thing hadn’t happened, I doubt he would’ve reached out to Tig or Happy to assist with hurting Tara.

We’ve see Jax come to the crossroads many times prior to this but now that Tara has completely given up hope, he wants to prove that he can get out. However as the Prince how can he? Is it truly possibly for the VP to dethrone himself? Gemma, makes herself seem meek and naive when it comes to knowing what truly happened to JT, to anyone who feels the need to question her. Unser and Tara both have their suspicions that she’s not as oblivious as she lets on. When Clay turns on her, and it’s apparent she can no longer pull him close, she reveals herself. What is a King without his Queen, in Gemma’s mind, Dead.

Sons of Anarchy will forever be my favorite.

Tristan Jonez

Inventory Control.

STOP LETTING FOLKS ATTACH THEMSELVES TO YOU!

I didn’t really understand, or believe that folks can most times see the greatness in you, before you see it. And some of those same people, will attach themselves to you, not because they would like to help cultivate your greatness, they want to get as much as they can out of you, without having to put that much into you! It takes you being aware of who you are, and even more aware of the company that you are keeping.

I’ll be the first to tell you, when I travel I use my gut for singling out where I should walk, or if its really safe to go in this or that direction. However when it comes to people I am not always able to use good judgement. I want to see the best/good in everyone, even when they do me wrong. I’m working on changing some of my ways, although it pains me, sometimes you have to love folks from a very far distance.

Energy is real! Vibes are real! You have to be vigilant in who you are surrounding yourself with, continue to take inventory of how YOU feel around different people, are you more angry, anxious, sad? Hows the quality of y’all conversation, are they invested in you as you are in them? Are they contributing to the friendship in ways that are beneficial to you? Solely them? Take control of your life and the folks YOU allow in!

Tristan Jonez.

Realer than Real.

For a long time I’ve wondered why I only attract the broken, and today I realized there must be something broken inside of me that I have yet to discover or uncover. Maybe it’s possible I am not over the things that have happened to me in life, or I haven’t moved on as much as I believed I had. Every time I meet a new person, or an old person comes back into my life, it seems we are just repeating the routines of yester-whenever. If I’m being honest, I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.

My next move is learning to create those very necessary boundaries, and keeping in place what contingencies I have if those clear boundaries are crossed. Being sweet is a wonderful quality to have but I have to stop letting folks believe that I am to be treated however they see fit at the moment. ESPECIALLY If I’ve already made it known, that those behaviors are not acceptable. I’m tired of being frustrated, tried of feeling used, and I’m damn sure tired of feeling as if I owe anyone something! Loyalty will get you killed! So for once, I’m gong to be loyal to myself, and start giving myself whatever it is thats needed.

Tristan Jonez.

We Wish You.

Hopefully your Christmas was merry, and Santa brought you everything you wrote on your list. Surprisingly this year, I asked for nothing but I received a super abundance of Love!

Every single year, my family throws a Christmas Eve dinner/party in Peekskill, NY. This year I was actually in jeopardy of missing it as my job was attempting to hold me hostage but by the heavens I broke free, took metro-north then a cab and arrived fashionably late. I must say, I had an amazingly fun time this year. Literally you could feel the love, bursting thru the damn walls. Lord knows my family has its ups and downs, hell my favorite uncle just passed away but his presence was felt. The house felt full.

Although I don’t always appreciate them, I’m lucky to have the family that I have. Even the folks whom I choose not to communicate with, they’ve helped to create who I am and I implore you to find things that you love about your own families.

Happy Holidays!

Tristan J

What A Day

Yesterday was one of those days that go from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.

Meditating didn’t work, neither did positive thinking. It was just one asshole person after the other, after the other. It’s funny how people believe their problem is more important that anyone else, and you should stop what you’re doing to accommodate them. No matter how ‘nice’ you are when you aren’t moving in service of them, its an issue. Thank God, I have enough common sense to empower MYSELF, and teach myself whatever I need to know to improve my work life. Folks at my workplace would rather depend on others for their answers then have the nerve to get upset when your focus is needed elsewhere.

So I accept that it was just a shitty day, the good news, my day is officially over. The even better news, I will NEVER have to repeat this day for as long as I live. Just like that, I can move on and Cheers to tomorrow! I will manifest what I’d like for tomorrow, and it will be an amazing day. I will be notified of a new opportunity, something that elevates my spirit higher. Complaining just takes too much energy, and lord knows I need all my energy. Instead of complaining I will be changing my situation. Not happy with work? Change it. Maybe I won’t be quitting my job but I can join a different department, possibly a different shift. Make ALL the changes you need to until you are as happy as you’d like to be.

Tristan Jonez.

OscarGrant

There are life changing moments that most time happens without us really understanding the impact. Oscar Grant III was that life changing moment for me. I remember everything I was doing prior to hearing the news of his murder. I was sitting at my desk, preparing to get started on the orders I needed to enter for the day, I remember hearing the news and feeling such an extreme sense of loss, it was as if my best friend had died. Keep in mind, prior to that day, I didn’t know anything about Oscar, had never even heard of him until that moment, but I was incredibly sad at the loss of his being. I made the mistake of watching the released footage of his death on whatever site had it available, and I cried so much I had to excuse myself to the restroom. With that one shot, his life gone. His dreams and goals would never come to fruition, he would never have the opportunity to see his daughter grow, he would never be able to right his wrongs. Hands down, one of the most significant memories in my life, and I still felt the pang of what he could have grown into.

I recently visit San Francisco for the first time, and while on the BART, I sat across from the Map, and my eyes landed on Fruitvale station. I once again felt sadden by the events that occurred in 2009. On a day where we all celebrate whats to come, how we were going to do better than the previous year, Oscar wouldn’t get the opportunity to fulfill his resolutions. I know life isn’t fair, and we aren’t supposed to question the moves of the Creator, but what good has come from Oscar being gone? Besides feelings of anger and sadness? I will be going back to California and as much as I would like to visit Oakland, I don’t think I am strong enough to do so.

I’m thankful to have been exposed to Oscar Grant III’s story, I do believe I am a better person. I want to believe I love harder, am more compassionate, a tad bit more of a risk taker, because I know Life isn’t to be lived forever but to be cherished!

And for that, I thank you Oscar. You’ll always be held within the depths of my heart.

Tristan Jonez.

MarketStreet Sale

Can we talk about San Francisco?

Every time I visit, I am always in awe of Market Street. Its as if, gentrification has gone terrible wrong. All in the downtown area is filled with not only the homeless population, but the mentally ill, plus addicts and drug dealers. Although Its an environment I’m familiar with, it still unnerves me. I’d like to believe I could navigate through it without being tested, its still upsetting to see. In the middle of whats going on, you then have luxury businesses, and shops, tourists and children on field trips. As a city, this has to be a concern for the admin, right?

Then we have gentrification, which is concerning alone. However I get the feeling, this is not something new. This is just the new normal. I wouldn’t want to walk thru market str all willy nilly at night, my damn self, if I’m being honest. There’s just so much that can go wrong, especially because it doesn’t look as if the police presence is a strong as it was in Harlem when gentrification was at its peak. For what it is worth, there seems to be a sort of harmony, between what Market Street used to be and what it is currently. I don’t see much change in sight until the city has properly dealt with the homeless/mentally ill population.

Your thoughts?

Tristan Jonez.

SideNote: I’m very curious to research the crime rate in that area of the city compared to the rest of the city.

Chasing.

So I’m not sure if this is a pattern but its staring to feel like one.

Men who chase women down, with only the intention of wasting her time. If we are friends, and you want more, I am all for making your intentions known, but if you are ready to go there, be ready for the consequences as well. Why are you ‘awakening’ her if you have no intention beyond that action? Just leave us be!

On two separate occasions with two different men, I’ve been pursued, only to agree to a date, that they waste my damn time. I’ve long stopped listening to words that men, say and look towards their actions. If nothing is being shown, why would I stay?

Jonez

Bumble Bees.

I can remember when online dating was such a taboo, when you had to lie about where and how you met the person because online dating was such a no no. I’ve been online dating and meeting folks for what seems like forever, definitely before it was on trend. At this point, I feel as if I’ve tested out every option, damn there every app. Currently I was testing out the app Bumble, and this was after vowing to not attempt to date from online. I do appreciate the two other bumble options which are Bumble BFF and Bumble Biz, as I’ve ‘meet’ some interesting people. The catch with Bumble, it’s the female who initiates the interaction after both parties have swiped right on each other signifying they are interested. My only grip with that, is I’ve found that men are not interested enough in me to hold a conversation, after they’ve ‘connected’ with me. Personally, I do like when a man approaches me, cuz then I knew he is somewhat interested.

However I think I am going to delete Bumble, or possibly just keep it and use it as a tool to meet new BFF’s. Either way, dating isn’t for me anymore.

Tristan Jonez.

Decipher Tales

I want people to mean what they say. I thought your word meant Your bond? When did that change? At what point did we just say what was convenient? Convenient for that moment in time? I get a migraine trying to decipher what I should believe and what I should question. Questioning everything a person/people say is fucking tiring. And folks, I’m tired.

If you tell me, I want to be with you, I’m believing that’s gospel. I’m not thinking that you want to be with me, and everyone else. Lately I’m finding folks want me to be everything to them while they give me the left over they have from being everything to everyone else. What makes you think I want a part time love affair? Nothing, absolutely nothing about me, gives that impression.

I’ve stopped trying to understand potential love interests, I just ride the wave until it’s over.

Tristan Jonez

Only When.

I know there’s a saying that if you only worked on days where you felt like it, you wouldn’t be working much, and while that might be true, I think I owe it to myself to be genuine. Sometimes I don’t feel like writing, and I make myself write something, anything. When in reality I should listen to my inner being, and not write. I hate writing some bullshit filler just to say I wrote something. Nah, I’m done with that. I can say that everything that I’ve been posting lately has all been genuine, I’m proud of myself. Trust me, I know folks can read when you just doing to do. I want my craft to be respected, because when pen hits paper I want you to feel every fukking word!

Writing has saved my sanity. Writing saves me. It gives me clarity, especially during those times when I don’t know my left from my right. When I’m doubtful in who I am, I write. When I’m feeling neglected, I write. I fall into these mini depression spells, when I start to thinking too much about the future or the past, I have to remember that writing saves me. I don’t always upload everything I write, because at times, Its just jibberish, its just me putting pen to paper. But for my inner being, when that pen hits paper, its as if my mind is being massaged, all the kinks being smoothed out, and I can finally relax.

Thank you,

Tristan J.

Lay Claim

I claim ownership over no one. Everyone is their own person, to live and love as they see fit. Personally I love fully in my own spirit, to do as I please, for as long as it pleases me. I do not, and cannot make anyone ‘stay’ because when Its time for me to leave, I do. I’ve always tried to be the best version of myself, see the good in folks, and live life as if it was the most precious gift I could’ve ever been given. There have been times where my significant other couldn’t not relate to me, but you would have to step outside of yourself to understand, and honestly most people wont.

I want you all to be true to the essence of you. No matter what that may look like to others. Only claim ownership over your own soul, then you’ll be able to move in ways which you haven’t before.

Tristan Jonez.