Glass of Water? 

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it. 

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket. 

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be. 

Tristan. 

Short

Yesterday

I found out a friend of mine past away and the first thing I thought was did I tell him I loved him. Did he know he was as special to me as I was to him. I’m sadden by this event.

Love on the folks while they are here because once they are gone you are left with the thoughts of all the things you could’ve and should’ve did while they were here.

Live this life with no regrets.

I love you Darrell.

Tristan.

Monica Brown

For those of you who are new to me, I Stan for the singer Monica Brown. In my head she’s an older sister that has been through life and is now there to help get through the same things she’s lived through. So many countless times her music has helped to be that shoulder I needed.

After the Storm album helped me to realize I wasn’t the only person who had gone through this. My first love had committed suicide, and I was having an extremely hard time moving forward with life. It was the worst feeling, words fail at describing the pain of losing Ali. To this day, I still miss him and talk to him as if he is here with me. I lost my love but gained an angel. However listening to “I wrote this song” lets me know Monica truly understand the feeling, and if she was able to move forward I know I’ll be able to eventually.

Still Standing album made me realize I was stronger than I thought. I was a mess during this album, you hear me? I was a hot ass mess. Didn’t know what I was doing with myself, just trying to find myself but nothing was working. I was single, after finding my then boyfriend had cheated. I had gone through a miscarriage, as well as a failed engagement with said cheater boyfriend. However there was hope in my struggle as I just met a guy that I thought was it for me… turns out he wasn’t. The song “Everything to me and Love all over me” was the perfect dedication to him.

Fast forward three years, the relationship should’ve ended but leave it to me to continue to breathe life into a very dead relationship cuz I ain’t a quitter. New Life album was the definition of my life but I didn’t see that at the time. I was still rocking Still Standing. Unhealthy toxic relationship was what my beautiful love had turned into. I wasn’t love or respected, but yet I stayed. Its funny, because I wouldn’t give him a second of my time now, especially with the way I feel about myself. The love I have for myself now, he couldn’t do nothing with the woman I am now. NOTHING. “Until it’s gone” will forever be dedicated to him.

Once I was freed from the emotions I had for my ex, we decided to try again. I know, silly me. In Code Red Album, “Ocean of Tears” made me cry, still does because I truly did everything I could to get back to him. But this time, something had changed… and it was me. Whatever spell he had me under was now done. I’m not sure where/when the change occurred but it did. I no longer needed his love to sustain me, I was my “dozen roses.”

I haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and tell Monica all of this face to face yet but its coming. Just wait on it.

Tristan.

Assaulted 

I was Sexually Assaulted at work, by a Coworker I was dating at the time.

My body was violated. My Space was violated. I was violated. I was asked by a friend if I was raped but that term didn’t feel right to me. So much so that I had to look up the definition of both terms.

Rape: Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent—compare sexual assault, statutory rape.

Sexual Assault: Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

Sexual Assault was what I went through. Even though he was forcibly bear hugging me while holding my hands, and thumbing my throat, I still do not call it rape. He did not have my consent, I did not ask for his penis to be shoved inside of me but all the same I wanted it to be over. Perhaps I could’ve did more to fight him off me but again I just wanted it to be over. I don’t dwell on it, as I’ve made my peace with it. That filth will never have the opportunity to touch me again, he will never be granted permission into my World, no matter the role.

I’m not sure yet how this event has changed me but I know it has. Something like that has to change you in some way, I’m sure it will reveal itself to me down the road as of right now I’m going to focus on the beauty of the life I’m living.

If you have experienced someone violating your space, I’m not sure what advice to give. I did not report this to anyone of authority, I did not make a report but I didn’t because I was protecting myself. It may have been the wrong decision but it was one I was at peace with. I think you should do what feels right, whatever will bring YOU inner comfort or as close to it as you can come after dealing with type of event.

Tristan.

So No date today?

This is reason 264857542965 why I’m choosing to give dating a break. If you have no intentions of actually going out with me, then stop making these half assed plans. At bare minimum you ask me out you need a location and a time, as a bonus, on occasion I’m willing to meet you ‘there’. So you’re only responsible for picking a place, a time and picking up the bill, if it’s a first date especially. I’m not sure why, but this is proving to be a problem, my bare minimums are proving to be too much to adhere to. 

I was supposed to go on a date today. However I’m here in bed. I had to look at the calendar to check if today was Thursday, and go thru my phone like wait I thought I had something to do for today. It’s my last day off before returning back to work so I had no travel plans but imagine if I canceled so I could be available for this guy? Negative. I have to stop putting my hopes up at all for these men who clearly have no scruples. 

If he was interested then he would’ve made it happen. I shouldn’t be required to do all the leg work, it’s rather simple, you want to see me then make it happen. If you’re that busy, which I doubt, but if you are, then make the time if I’m a priority. 

Tristan. 

Off Time

If you have to remember to call me or text me, then we aren’t dating and you’re not interested.

Allow me to explain. There’s this guy, (Don’t all good stories start out like that?) anyway, there’s this guy who is amazing.  He’s a great father, entrepreneur, charming and just an all around good guy. We’ve known one another for a little while now but it was always bad timing when he was actively trying to date me. So we settled on being friends, plus we have a semi friendly traveling competition between the two of us. So recently I’ve declared I was not longer going to date anyone, I’m assuming he took that as a challenge to change my mind. When he hit me up in reference to my statement, I was opened with him about why I’m over dating right now. However somewhere in that conversation we agreed to actively try to be in each other’s world more than just Instagram friends.

So… It’s been a few weeks, but I feel like we are communicating the same as we were before if not less. I’m not such a traditional girl that I’ll let the man do all the heavy lifting but if we are BOTH genuinely forgetting to hit the other then we cant be that interested. Can We?

I don’t force it. I honestly feel like sometimes folks might be good for each other but their timing is horribly off. If it’s not meshing organically then let it rock.

Tristan.

Insecure: Making the Cut



SUPER SPOILER // SUPER SPOILER //

First Kudos to Lawrence for not pursuing anything with Bank Chick. I was beaming like a proud mother when he politely turned her down. I do believe that he lead her on a bit, yes he mentioned having a girlfriend in the last episode but I got the feeling that given the right day and circumstances he would’ve bent the rules with Tasha (Bank Chick). It just so happens that him and Issa are on a high right now, or so he thinks.

I’m not all the way convinced that Lawrence and Issa should still be trying to maintain a relationship. Birthdays are HUGH to me. Miss mine and we are done. Period. There’s no coming back from that, and I still haven’t seen Lawrence try to make up for that one. Plus where are they headed, five years, and no mention of anything more than what they currently have? I’m all about being secure in your decision to marry, and doing it when it feels right but when will that be?

Molly and Jared, Jared and Molly. That’s a match that makes perfect sense but since Jared has no degree he’s been downgraded to ‘friend’. Molly is a damn fool! Understand DAMN FOOL. I get wanting to be with someone who you think it on the same level with you academically but will you let that be the deciding factor for a relationship? I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone, anyone, so you just rush into it, but Molly needs to slow all the way down. I didn’t think getting drunk and going to Jared’s house was the smarter plan either but shit happens. The great thing about this is Molly can recover from it WITH Jared if she uses the honesty card. “Tomorrow” when she wakes, she needs to put her big girl panties on, and really think about what’s important when seeking that life partner. Jared has my vote!

Issa! I’m so disappointed. The whole episode I was rooting for you. I knew you was playing with fire communicating with Daniel but I know you like to play with temptation. You like getting as close to the fire as you can without getting burned but tonight you threw caution to the wind. Have you completely lost your damn mind? I can’t even say it was a moment of weakness because you knew better. What happened between when Daniel told you he did not want a relationship and now? Issa, Daniel will never be in a relationship with you, and you damn sure shouldn’t want to be with him. Not that he has to like it, but he should respect that you have a man, or had a man. I KNOW you are going to tell Lawrence, I just don’t see you keeping something like from him, your conscience will eat your ass up.

Once you’re single, I’m not exactly sure what the plan will be. Do you? I just hope you know what the hell you’re doing.

Tristan.