Unpopular opinion

If we stop policing the actions of others, our own lives will be so greatly enriched. -Jonez

One thing I can say about myself, I do not concern myself with the actions of others. I can’t. I’ll go crazy trying to steer someone in the ‘right’ direction. Cuz ultimately what is the right direction for someone? What is the best course of action? Who the f*ck knows! But it’s not up to me to direct a grown up. IF a friend is seeking my opinion, then of course, I’m here to give it, and within reason. I’m just not one of those people who’ll hand out unsolicited advice. Unless someone is on the path to hurting themselves. Otherwise go forth my child, create those lessons in which you will learn from. Also, all lessons are not loses, everything we do and say, should be a method of learning as we continue to grow.

My opinions, cuz I’m minding my own shit, changes often as I continue to live my life. As I believe all opinions should. For example, I’ve been relationship oriented forever, unwilling to deviate from that narrative, but now I’m in a situation where I’m learning to assess things differently. Who’s to say, what ‘should’ be my immediate actions, if a commitment is not being what’s offered? Should I place my happiness, over titles? Over what society deems I should be looking for? Over what my friends/family think I should value at this age? And if I am truly happy, should I continue on that path? These are thoughts I randomly have, but unless folks are looking for advice, we have to stop offering. Sometimes a listening ear is all that’s needed.

Tristan J.

Cut It Off?

In this age of dating, stop being so quick to cut ‘a nigga off’.

The options are endless, choices boundless but doesn’t it get tiring swiping right or left? How much time are you actually putting in to get to know someone? A week is NOT enough time to really know anything about a person. Hell, only texting for a few weeks isn’t enough. I’ve had to learn to slow it down, taking my time is never a bad thing. Talking to multiple isn’t a bad thing either, however attempting to date five people at the same time isn’t it! You’ll surely be spreading urself too thin. Although I’m currently getting to know one person, I could handle another, but no one has piqued my interest enough. I’m sure it also has something to do with my moving to another city. Once I’m settled in Dallas, I’ll be out and about getting to know the city, and the chocolate men that come with it.

How long do you average with someone before they are either let go or invested into?

Writers Edit: Red Flags are NOT to be ignored. Just like anything in life, there are varying degrees of red flags, but when getting to know someone, be sure you know what your hard red flags look like so you can judge that situation correctly.

Jonez

Crushin’

Y’all! I had the biggest crush when I was growing up in Baltimore .. Lil’ Stevie. He had to be the most beautiful man I ever laid eyes on, killer smile, amazing complexion and just charming, although he might’ve said hey to me, once. I’m sure he could’ve asked me to wait an eternity for him, and I probably would’ve done it. All logic left my body when I had the pleasure to be near him. I’m three years younger than shorty so I wasn’t on his radar. I will say this, because I was the new girl in my neighborhood, everyone knew who I was, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew my name, and maybe even what my face looked like, but still not on his radar.

So some months ago a guy started following me on Instagram and FB, up until recently I had no clue it was him. I had been chit chatting with him like he’s just a regular degular guy, I even half way tried to holla at him. Y’all can’t know how mortified I was when I pieced together that it was him! Lil’ Stevie was real ‘thing’ and I was just super cool about it. However even if he was as single as a dollar bill, there would NEVER be an opportunity. Reality has the tendency to mess with the fantasy that you’ve created in your head. I will not, and cannot allow reality to get in the way!

Although I am now an adult, and I could speak on how I felt as a kid, hell I might could even suggest we go meet up fro drinks and dinner, I want to preserve the idea of how he is in my head. Plus, after drinks all he would have to do is smile, and I’m sure my panties would evaporate!

Have you ever had a crush, and was able to bring ‘y’all’ to life? If you had the opportunity to bring it to life, would you?

Tristan Jonez.

Limits.

Ladies stop limiting yourself to the man you’re interested in.

I’m bout to put my business out there but let me be an example. So I’ve been chatting with a guy who I’m very fond of. We’ve been chatting for about two months, and he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. Well his exact words were, “I’m not really looking for a relationship but I’m open if one should happen.” Ladies, I took this to mean He’s content being single and no matter how perfect I am, or could be for him will change that. Even for me this sounds strange, but I will continue to see other people socially. I will continue to date and get to know other men because expecting ANYTHING other than simply a friendship is playing myself.

Usually when meeting a man, I would make myself available to and for him. I would show him why I was the woman for him. As I’ve gotten older, I realize I am the fucking prize and I’m not auditioning for a role in any man’s life! If he can’t see what I know then I’ll keep my options open. I do like this guy, he ‘shows up’ as needed but I refuse to make a silent commitment to him when he’s made it clear a relationship isn’t what he wants. Plz make sure you are listening to what a man says he wants, the first time he tells you, it’s usually the unfiltered truth.

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

Men are stupid.

I know I know. Not all men are stupid. Well I think all men aren’t supposed to be stupid but I’m getting the feeling they don’t know that. I want people, men in particular, to match their words with their actions. If you do not want a relationship, do not create an environment in which reflects one. If you do want a relationship, allow your words and actions to mirror what it is you want. I know it can be an amazing thing when a woman is focusing all of her attention on you, but if you know you do not share in her end goals, don’t egg her on.

In a perfect World, everyone would be honest in how they communicate and understanding each other’s wants and needs would be a breeze. As we both know, we do not reside in that perfect reality. So we have to be precise in what we communicate to others but also have the courage to walk away when what’s being offered isn’t what we want.

Jonez.

Single Again

Cue Trina, ‘I’m single again, back on the prowl. I thought it was perfect, I don’t know how’

I’m not sure if I’m ever sad over being single. I mean, I grow fond of people, especially if we have a genuine connection but what’s the point of fretting over spilled milk? I pay attention to the reg flags! I don’t ignore certain things just because I don’t want to be single. HELL NO! That’s how you end up with a mf for ten years, and wake up one day like ‘where did the time go?’ I refuse for that scenario to ever become my life.

I’ll even indulge in actions that I may not love but if I bring it to your attention and there’s actual change I respect it. But I’m not going to keep expressing my feelings and they continue to be ignored. I’m also tired of meeting one version of a man, then when he gets comfortable, I get to meet the real version of him. Nope! Not dealing with that anymore either. So tired of people’s representatives! At first I told myself I wasn’t going to date but off that! Let the dating olympics begin!

Tristan Jonez

Listen Up!

There’s no bigger pet peeve of mine than someone telling me about me! Nobody knows me better than I know myself. Of course, someone looking from the outside can observe and notice certain things, but you’ll never be able to tell me my wants or my needs. Im honest with myself about what I need from myself and from others, no denials or delusions over here.

Please keep in mind, opinions are not facts. So when folks get into their minds that you need to hear their opinions, Feel free to listen but take it with a grain of salt. Make sure your actions align with the vision you have for you life.

Tristan Jonez.

Woman.

“You’re not the woman you think you are” -Devon

No! I’m even better!

Its funny how once you no longer care to cultivate a relationship between a man, he tries to disrespect you. However I have to give a fuck, and I don’t. When folks say, “Catch me while I care”, its not better way to describe me. I’m willing to put my time and attention into you while interested but once I see, the energy is not being distributed equally why would I continue with you? What do I look like willingly allowing you to waste my time?

I’m very willing to let a man lead, but why would I follow if you have no clue where you are going? If he wanted it, he would made it happen. Excuses are an insult to my intelligence, especially when you can afford to be honest.

Tristan Jonez

Hotel Meeting.

Are men inviting women on first dates to hotel rooms now? Or is that just me? I kid you not, this man (boy) really invited me to be hugged up in a hotel room, watching netflix! Do I even look like I would go for that shit? Well I guess so, if he even presented that as an option. Now would my answer be different if it was a five star hotel, and he was offering spa services in addition to Netflix? Well probably not BUT I would first think it over before I declined. I’m wondering where do men find the balls to make such request when they’ve done nothing that would warrant a yes in response! Conversation doesn’t equal me, loosing my damn mind, and allowing you to get the panties! On who does this tactic work for?

I get it, the winter is definitely coming butI’ll be damn if I spend my fall/winter cuffing season with men who can barely muster enough brain cells to create an imagination. Nah homie, I’d rather be single. IF a warm body, is ever needed, it won’t be you!

Tristan J.

Poem Reader.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending the pop up art show at AMFM gallery, remember? Well I semi documented my time at the event, but I left out a minor detail. I met someone, and actually gave him my real number; shocking I know. Although he’s not someone I would go for, I figured why not? I’m in a new city, and my ‘type’ could be whats holding me back from finding the love of my life. Lets call him, Tyrone. Tyrone is a few years younger than me but he’s educated, passionate about his beliefs, and OD hella funny. Like have me in tears, gotta pee funny.

I warned him about me being a flight attendant, that I really have poor time management plus I’m still trying to navigate around being a flight attendant, being away from home in a new city, etc etc etc. It seems like we are still able to interact over the phone, via text and voice calls. Sidenote: The first night we actually chitchatted on the phone, before we ended the call, he read me a poem. So y’all already know I was ready to marry the kid. I just thought that was such an original, dope thing to do, very out of the ordinary, and seemed genuine. Plus for the duration we talked, he would read me a poem before hanging up.

Fast forward to now, we no longer communicate. I’m a bit sad about that but I am not going to hound someone down to be there. It went left as the day we had planned to go on an ‘official’ date he kinda just left me on read, (iPhone). Earlier in the day we were to meet, a classmate flew in, and I gave her an impromptu tour of Chicago. I got back home with enough time to nap, shower and make it to our date, but I didn’t hear anything from him for the rest of the day. I even, double texted and called a few times but no response. And before you jump to take his defense, he’s alive and thriving. So the search continues, but I wanted to let you guys know, its amazing how open you can have a female just by being original.

Happy Dating.

Tristan Jonez

BlkSingle in Chicago

Where are the single, black and attractive men in Chicago? I promise this isn’t shade, because we are all ugly to someone, but I’m looking for where the majority of Black single males hang out. I’m willing to be the single lady who goes out and does an investigation. Research is obviously needed, especially since I honestly can’t find where they are hiding. Do I need to make/take a trip to the hood? IF so, point me in the direction they might be. Is it bars? lounges? Sporting Events? Minus the club, I think I am willing to take one for the single female team, and go see where I can find a group.

Ladies, when I make contact I will ensure they bring their singles friends along. This is just the beginning, but I will not forget y’all when I find the ultimate secret land flowing with single black attractive men!

Tristan Jonez

Pieces of my Soul

I’m a crybaby, always have been and will continue to be but I don’t normally get emotional at museums. Well, I wished someone would love told me to bring the tissues. Recently I traveled to Little Rock, Arkansas, first stop, Old State House Museum. Perhaps one day I’ll learn to research what’s on display BEFORE I visit but I’ll admit I’m lazy. However I think y’all know that already.

No secret, I love anything black people related. So I damn there bust out in the ugly cry for the A Piece of my Soul: Quilts by Black Arkansans exhibit. I remember being a young girl and snuggling up to the quilt that my grandmother, Theo Western, kept close. If I close my eyes and concentrate I can almost remember every single square. I’m embarrassed that I never inquired about each patch and the significance. My grandmother has since passed but I was able to find pride in her and this exhibit. Fun Fact: Quilts could weight as much as fifty pounds!

The museum has at minimum two hundred Quilts and proceeds to rotate the Quilts so all can be displayed. Yall know I’m super hyped to return. Growing up did you experience the magic of Quilts?

Tristan J