Stimulate My Soul.

I can’t remember the last time I made a decision for my own benefit. Every decision I’ve made in the past year or so has been for the benefit of another person. I don’t like telling folks no, as I don’t like to let anyone down. I don’t like not being there for someone else, even if it is at the cost of myself. I’ve been sick to my stomach, because I’ve been so overwhelmed with a combination of things but yet, I was still trying to put others need before my own.

One day recently  I was calling everyone I knew because I needed help.  I was super sick, and I wasn’t sure If I could get to my destination on my own. So I reached out to several different people, but I couldn’t get an answer from anyone. Granted, folks have the right to be busy, but it was a wake up call. I have to be in full account for how I treat myself, an empty cup isn’t of use to anyone. My cup is currently empty but I working on replenishing it but for myself this time.

What do you do to refuel? How do you put yourself first?

-Jonez

 

The Table.

The Vibe I got from a guy I was recently (semi) dating, is I am asking for way too much! For just a date, I have way too many requirements! For a relationship, I have way too many expectations. I do believe that I used to have expectations, which is always open for discussion, but my expectations are things that a man should practice as his daily habits.

A man should be communicating, never do I want 24hrs to go by and there is no communication. I totally get that we live in a busy world, and our schedules may not always be in sync but that’s no excuse for a lack of communication. How easy is it for a text, or a voice message? If I am always the one making the moves, the plans, then why am I with you, if I’m going to be the man in this situation? I shouldn’t be opening my own doors, but I realize this a ‘independent woman world’ so cool I’ll handle that but once again I shouldn’t have to. Without asking, you should be making me feel like the most amazing woman on the planet, just because I am with you. What happened to that? Focusing in on the one you are with, really getting to know them, their likes and dislikes? What happened to taking our time?

For a second I thought I was asking too much from the guys I was dating but when I really think about all that I have to offer, and bring to the table, I’m not asking for nearly enough.

Tristan Jonez.

The Gumbo Shop

I will forever love New Orleans!

The cuisine and attention to detail regarding food makes visiting the city, always an experience. In the times that I’ve been to Nola, I can’t remember trying out a restaurant that didn’t serve mind blowing food. Right from the first bite. I want to believe that its a journey, from the moment I sit down, to the first taste, to the final bite of whatever amazingness I am eating.

The Gumbo Shop is one of those places that makes you feel like your home. I’ve been a handful of times, and I’ve had the gumbo damn there every time I go. Its just an amazing blend of chicken, sausage and okra. And the bread! So good.

Make sure you make your way to the French quarter, and stop at The Gumbo Shop. Its definitely very worth it!

Sleepless (Review)

I’m not sure I can give a review of a movie without giving everything away.

I just finished watching Sleepless, starring Jamie Foxx and Michelle Monaghan, and I’ll be the first to say I was pleasantly surprised. I don’t believe adequate press was done for this movie. I remember possibly seeing a trailer once, but nothing after. I dont even recall seeing a movie poster, where were the ads? Where were the publicity? A friend once told me, when movies come out in January, they are usually trash! Well LOW AND BEHOLD, Sleepless was/is a hit! I really enjoyed this movie! Jamie Foxx was captivating!

Spoiler Alert. Spoiler Alert. Spoiler Alert.

In the beginning, I already had Vin Downs (Jamie Foxx) pegged as a crocked cop, because its hard to be on the straight and narrow while being police in Las Vegas, Lets be real. In the opening of the movie, Vin and his partner Cass (T.I) are on a high speed chase which ultimately ends with a few folks dead, and the cops taking cocaine. I just knew this movie would be about dirty cops pulling a juke (robbery) having the main character’s son held as bait, basically just like all the other movies we have seen thus far. Actually Vin turns out to be a undercover cop, who has sacrificed two years, plus his relationship with his wife and son, to bring down an organized crime family down. However we as the viewer doesnt realized how far up the ladder the corruption goes, until the very end. Because of the way, the movie ended I DO NOT want a sequel to be created unless it can be as equally good, as the first. And since Hollywood usually doesnt have success with the second as much as the first, well lets just say I’m really hoping they choose to leave us on a cliff hanger (sort of)

I just took a break from writing this to read the reviews on IMDB.COM, and they are really bad. Yikes! Granted I didn’t have any expectations for this film, and I also prejudged after the first twenty minutes, but damn! There are really some harsh critics out there. Fortunately this is MY review, and I say, you should go see this film. It recently just went to disc, so get the popcorn, candy and turn it into a movie night.

Tristan Jonez.

The Outside World

In a minute, I’m going to post this question to Instagram, but I wanted to enter my own views on ‘wax’ before my opinion was swayed by others.

You’ve just experienced an emergency, the guy you’re dating can assist, but doesn’t/failed to do so. Would you continue to date them?

In my humble opinion, I’m not going to continue to date you. Strictly on principle, because if the situation was reversed I would do what I could to help. Especially if this is someone I want to be with. Now obviously, providing assistance comes within reason, for example if they are a relator and you’re looking for an apartment, I would assume they would assist. Or if I’m in the market for a car, and he had a relationship with a car dealership, I would assume he would at least make the introduction. I know the art of chivalry is dead, but I want my guy to be soaking in gentlemanly qualities. I don’t want to date a man, who doesn’t at least try to remedy a problem I may be having. My relationship should be the peace, from the outside World.

Jonez.

The Perfect Kast

Big Up to The Perfect Kast for Episode 41: New Suit… Who this?

I can’t even put into words how amazed I am that you all were a billion percent honest about your lack or your openness about your feelings of masculinity in the black community. We definitely need to continue to have this conversation in such an open setting, and once we have the conversation, we need to have it again! As you all pointed out the generation prior to us, still don’t get it, and they probably won’t, but I am determined to try to get through to them. Shit, growing up, the word of life was, “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” As a child, how do we determine what events we are to keep in the house? My family, personally, is so full of secrecy that I don’t know what is allowed to be talked about, and what I am supposed to keep to myself.

I appreciate that you was open enough to let us know that you sought counseling, and that you have shared your experience with your frat brothers. As funny and hilarious as the show always is, I thank you for taking the time to address this subject, because you guys could have easily changed the topic.

Tristan Jonez

AliSidney

Is it possible to ever really get over someone? What if that person is your soulmate?

I dont think there is a day that goes by that I do not think of Ali Sidney. He is still my dream man, my prince charming, my first love. I’m present in this moment as I am in every moment, and right now my thoughts are on him. I write about him from time to time, not as much as I should, but as much as needed. Lately I’ve been missing his friendship, he was my very best friend. I could tell him anything and he would be able to give me solutions in a way that no one has ever been able to duplicate. My soul aches for the man he could’ve become, the father, the friend, the future him.

Suicide is honestly a permanent solution to what is usually a temporary problem. It is a selfish decision, that affects all but the one committing suicide. You’re gone but we are left to deal with the pieces, some of which takes years to heal from. Wanting to quit is normal, but if you are harboring these feelings, take the time to reach out to someone. There are several avenues that are available to you, please know that you are NOT alone. I love you, and I am here to help in any and every way.

Tristan Jonez.

Beware of the Signs.

As a single woman living in New York City, trying not to spend every penny in housing, you will sometimes have to have a roommate. Create rules, map out who will do what, who will buy what, create an open discussion so that there aren’t any issues later on. Trust, its super unhealthy when you hate your roommate, and have to reside with them for a year. As fast as time goes by, it doesn’t go by fast enough when living with a person you’d rather not.

My Rules

Do not touch what is not yours. If you do, please return or replace.

If you are planning on having company, give a heads up so I can dress appropriately.

I can’t stand when someone touches something that is not theirs, then have the nerve not put it back where and how they found it. And if they use it all, how hard is it to replace it? I find that folks believe they are entitled to things that they aren’t. I’m still trying to understand why people believe this behavior is acceptable. Once again, as a single woman, I’m not out here to make sure the fridge is stocked with food you like, or snacks you like to munch on.

Have you ever had a shitty roommate?

Tristan Jonez

Healthy Spaces.

When living with someone, please make sure to set ground rules prior to moving in with the person, if possible. Common courtesy is not always at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Things that irritate them, may not irritate you, so please be willing to keep a positive open line of communication.

I’ve never been in the habit of telling folks how to live their lives, especially in their private spaces BUT when it starts to affect me, then I have to speak up. Granted I am passive aggressive as I try to please EVERYONE. I don’t want to rock the boat and make folks feel uncomfortable, so Im usually not as direct as I should be… however this is something I am working on. I’ll never do something to someone that I would not want done to me, Golden Rule (I think).

Unfortunately I am now in a situation where I am very unhappy about my living situation. So to keep my sanity I will be getting out of my living situation, or else I will surely loose my damn mind. Sometimes doing the right thing, only hurts you. I always preach that we have to take care of ourselves, mentally health is included!

Tristan J.

Wanted: AdventureSeeker

As we all know, Life is too Short!

We are born, we live a lil then we die. I had an epiphany last night, I am not okay with how I’ve been living. I’ve been living too safely. I haven’t been living up to my full potential as a human being. I should be going on more adventures, I should be jumping out of more airplanes, I should be doing everything that my mind is capable of thinking up. I am not here to live life safe, I don’t want to.

I just want to live. And living is more than just working to pay bills, oh no. Listen I get it, you have to have a place to live, with running water, and all that jazz but what makes getting up in the morning worth it? When I turned 31, I said I am going to do all the things I like to do. I am going to make sure, I am living my best life. I don’t feel as if I’ve been living up to that promise that I made to myself in January on my way to Milan.

The first step is identifying the problem, done… Now lets move on to the solution.

TJonez

Win=Win

I celebrate my friends wins as my own. A win for them, is most definitely a win for me.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been the sappy one. I’m the one that do the cards, balloons and candy for those milestone moments, and sometimes I just celebrate you. It’s my job as a friend to do everything in my power to make you feel as if you are the most valued VIP on my team. I do not take my responsibility as a friend lightly, although I have been known to casually throw around the word friend.

I have a friend that has recently graduated into becoming a flight attendant for Delta Air lines. It is said, that its harder to be a Flight Attendant for Delta Air Lines than it is to get into Harvard. I knew it was going to be a process to get her from the beginning to the end of her goal, but I was there, to provide her with encouragement and well wishes. To have a friend, you have to be a friend! So when she officially graduated, that wasn’t just a win for her, it was one for me too. It’s not always easy to find folks that you mesh with BUT when you do, My God! It’s a beautiful thing to have a tribe in which they empower you to do and be the best you can.

If you have a tribe, how do you find all of its members? And if you do not, what can I do to help? … And yes, I’m serious.

Tristan Jonez.

Lazy/Dumb

Story Time.

I have a coworker who I know plays dumb so that she doesn’t have to do much of anything. Most of the time, No all of the time I ignore her. I refuse to waste my time, dealing with her nonsense. So last night work was extremely busy, if you know your job description, there’s no need for you to wait around for someone to advise you on what you should be doing. Just do it. But nope! This “lady” just complains. So in the midst of work being super busy, she’s asked to do something by my other smart working coworker, she then says ” I don’t really want to do it, but if I absolutely have to I will.” I couldn’t help myself, I asked well what do you want to do? This female, states, nothing really, just complain. Well chick, we ALL know that you can do that so very well! Hell I’ve never met someone who can complain as thoroughly as you, so kudos!

Laziness will forever annoy my inner and outer being. Especially since I’ve never been lazy when it pertains to someone else. I’m most definitely lazy when it comes to me, and that’s a habit I am working on breaking. When working in an office setting, its best when you keep your emotions in check, if these folks don’t matter then don’t mind them.

Jonez.