Take this L.

I’ve outgrown wanting revenge on others. I used to wish karma would get them back immediately when folks would do really shitty things to me. It would be a full on prayer, please karma, I need you to bring in motion what will be as their punishment, and if I’m fortunate I’ll be there to witness it! Please! I look back and laugh now, the best form of revenge is moving forward happily. I know, easier said than done, but once you’ve learned how to master it, it will get easier. People know exactly what they are doing, when they choose to disrespect, violate, and misplace your trust, so why would I give anyone the satisfaction of ‘making a scene’. Nah. Once you’ve lost my respect, there’s nothing left to be said.

In the words of Nipsey Hussle, “When your intentions are pure, you don’t lose anyone, they lose you.”

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

I know we agreed we’d only be speaking positive about ourselves and pouring positivity Into us but I’m having a hard time not saying … What I hate about myself is! So since I haven’t found a better way of saying “it”, imma just say it. I cannot stand the way I give folks the opportunity to correct themselves in how they interact with me, and they don’t take advantage of it. THEN when I’m done, and no longer giving out lessons, they feel slighted. Loyalty, is not just a word, it’s an embodiment! Or at least it should be, fuck.

I’m a different person when I no longer give af about you. I KNOW people have the tendency to take advantage of my kindness, my awesomeness, but that’s just the way I’m built. Trust, I’ve tried to change but that’s not my way. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you see it, one of my friends won’t be able to count on me in any capacity. And if I should say, I’m a great friend to have in your corner.

Tristan J.

Unpopular opinion

If we stop policing the actions of others, our own lives will be so greatly enriched. -Jonez

One thing I can say about myself, I do not concern myself with the actions of others. I can’t. I’ll go crazy trying to steer someone in the ‘right’ direction. Cuz ultimately what is the right direction for someone? What is the best course of action? Who the f*ck knows! But it’s not up to me to direct a grown up. IF a friend is seeking my opinion, then of course, I’m here to give it, and within reason. I’m just not one of those people who’ll hand out unsolicited advice. Unless someone is on the path to hurting themselves. Otherwise go forth my child, create those lessons in which you will learn from. Also, all lessons are not loses, everything we do and say, should be a method of learning as we continue to grow.

My opinions, cuz I’m minding my own shit, changes often as I continue to live my life. As I believe all opinions should. For example, I’ve been relationship oriented forever, unwilling to deviate from that narrative, but now I’m in a situation where I’m learning to assess things differently. Who’s to say, what ‘should’ be my immediate actions, if a commitment is not being what’s offered? Should I place my happiness, over titles? Over what society deems I should be looking for? Over what my friends/family think I should value at this age? And if I am truly happy, should I continue on that path? These are thoughts I randomly have, but unless folks are looking for advice, we have to stop offering. Sometimes a listening ear is all that’s needed.

Tristan J.

In the Name of Fa$hion

The focus was/is the army fatigue sequin pencil skirt from Le Superbe. Everyone always treats army fatigue as a neutral color so I followed the trend and paired it with a outrageous pink tee shirt with a random banana print. As y’all know I’ve been stepping outside of my comfort zone of jeans and a tee shirt so I shocked myself that this paired together so well.

Ladies, I know we can be hard on ourselves about gaining or loosing weight but work on whatever it is you’re stressing over. You see that fupa in the photo, a month ago i would’ve done everything to ‘pose’ it out of my shot, but in reality I’ve embraced what I don’t necessarily love about my body, while slowly making diet and lifestyle changes.

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

Recently I was asked to be a contributor for a publication which caters to a no bs approach to living a chill life. I haven’t said yes, I’m still debating what I have to offer this publication. Before I started writing this, I had to ask myself, if I didn’t jump at the chance to reach a bigger audience because I genuinely don’t have the time or if I’m questioning if I’m good enough. Most likely it’s the latter, self doubt it such a strange thing. I know I’m a good writer, and I know other people feel the same way about my writing but having to actually put it out there for strangers to read … am I good enough for that?

To calm myself, I usually remember reading Kimora Lee Simmons book, Fabulousity, where she writes, “Believe in those who believe in you.” So that usually how I calm those wicked thoughts in my head. It’s funny how you get older and question everything in life, but as a younger adult, I was beyond fearless. Slowly but surely I’m seeking to get back to ‘that’ place, but it starts with pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

Here goes nothing …

Tristan J

Cut It Off?

In this age of dating, stop being so quick to cut ‘a nigga off’.

The options are endless, choices boundless but doesn’t it get tiring swiping right or left? How much time are you actually putting in to get to know someone? A week is NOT enough time to really know anything about a person. Hell, only texting for a few weeks isn’t enough. I’ve had to learn to slow it down, taking my time is never a bad thing. Talking to multiple isn’t a bad thing either, however attempting to date five people at the same time isn’t it! You’ll surely be spreading urself too thin. Although I’m currently getting to know one person, I could handle another, but no one has piqued my interest enough. I’m sure it also has something to do with my moving to another city. Once I’m settled in Dallas, I’ll be out and about getting to know the city, and the chocolate men that come with it.

How long do you average with someone before they are either let go or invested into?

Writers Edit: Red Flags are NOT to be ignored. Just like anything in life, there are varying degrees of red flags, but when getting to know someone, be sure you know what your hard red flags look like so you can judge that situation correctly.

Jonez

Dear Diary …

I’ve been thinking about the conversations I’ve had with my guy recently and I don’t think we consider men’s trauma. Of course we know they have to deal with nonsense just like women in relation to relationships but there’s a “Just get Over it” vibe that we emit. If a woman states, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she simply doesn’t want one, she’s asked a billion questions as to why she feels this way, most times it’s assumed she’s been hurt by a man. However when a man makes this statement, it’s taken at face value. I’m guilty of this, although I don’t usually question women, It doesn’t cross my mind to ask a man, to elaborate his feelings; mistake number one.

Although I am no longer seeking a committed relationship with my guy currently, it’s been interesting getting to know him. Relationships can and will change as feelings deepens. Because he seems as a man who’ll give everything to a relationship, he’s moving cautiously because of the past traumas he’s endured. I haven’t asked him to provide details, not because I’m not interested, I want to know all parts of him, but I’ve found in dealing with trauma, it should be something the person wishes to discuss. He knows I’m a great look for him, however he’s been through too much to move forward with his heart lightly, and I could never fault him for that.

Ladies, I think we have to start being more sympathetic to how men feel. We should be asking questions and seeking clarification when we don’t know something and would like to. I understand a man should be adult enough to speak up but we don’t know what they’ve been faced with prior to entering our lives. I also believe men have to learn how to use their words, when expressing their feelings. If we start creating safe spaces for both, men and women to feel comfortable, less communication mishaps will occur.

Jonez.

In the Name of Fa$hion

My flight attendant classmate turned lil sister Lavonna has been advising me for months that I need to create a fashion site, or a YouTube but nah. I’m just too shy to be creating videos, although I know I do them every time I’m at Rent the runway during #dressingroomchronicles. In my defense, I’m only doing an intro and outro, the focus is solely on the clothes. I love clothes, to me it slightly differs from loving fashion. Fashion is what is created when clothing it pieced together, along with the confidence to pull off whatever you’ve pieced together. I like fashion, I like what I’m able to do when I’m allowing myself to try new looks, when I allow myself to take risks.

I’ve been using Rent the Runway for a little over a year but my time is coming to a close … at least for a little while. After August 20th, I will no longer be a unlimited subscription member. Saying that out loud saddens me but creating a routine in Dallas takes priority for now.

Who know what I’m going to do for clothing now. Ugh! Guess it’s back to jeans and tee shirts. Pray for me y’all!

Jonez.

Crushin’

Y’all! I had the biggest crush when I was growing up in Baltimore .. Lil’ Stevie. He had to be the most beautiful man I ever laid eyes on, killer smile, amazing complexion and just charming, although he might’ve said hey to me, once. I’m sure he could’ve asked me to wait an eternity for him, and I probably would’ve done it. All logic left my body when I had the pleasure to be near him. I’m three years younger than shorty so I wasn’t on his radar. I will say this, because I was the new girl in my neighborhood, everyone knew who I was, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew my name, and maybe even what my face looked like, but still not on his radar.

So some months ago a guy started following me on Instagram and FB, up until recently I had no clue it was him. I had been chit chatting with him like he’s just a regular degular guy, I even half way tried to holla at him. Y’all can’t know how mortified I was when I pieced together that it was him! Lil’ Stevie was real ‘thing’ and I was just super cool about it. However even if he was as single as a dollar bill, there would NEVER be an opportunity. Reality has the tendency to mess with the fantasy that you’ve created in your head. I will not, and cannot allow reality to get in the way!

Although I am now an adult, and I could speak on how I felt as a kid, hell I might could even suggest we go meet up fro drinks and dinner, I want to preserve the idea of how he is in my head. Plus, after drinks all he would have to do is smile, and I’m sure my panties would evaporate!

Have you ever had a crush, and was able to bring ‘y’all’ to life? If you had the opportunity to bring it to life, would you?

Tristan Jonez.

Limits.

Ladies stop limiting yourself to the man you’re interested in.

I’m bout to put my business out there but let me be an example. So I’ve been chatting with a guy who I’m very fond of. We’ve been chatting for about two months, and he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. Well his exact words were, “I’m not really looking for a relationship but I’m open if one should happen.” Ladies, I took this to mean He’s content being single and no matter how perfect I am, or could be for him will change that. Even for me this sounds strange, but I will continue to see other people socially. I will continue to date and get to know other men because expecting ANYTHING other than simply a friendship is playing myself.

Usually when meeting a man, I would make myself available to and for him. I would show him why I was the woman for him. As I’ve gotten older, I realize I am the fucking prize and I’m not auditioning for a role in any man’s life! If he can’t see what I know then I’ll keep my options open. I do like this guy, he ‘shows up’ as needed but I refuse to make a silent commitment to him when he’s made it clear a relationship isn’t what he wants. Plz make sure you are listening to what a man says he wants, the first time he tells you, it’s usually the unfiltered truth.

Jonez.

Be You.

When I moved to Chicago the first time, I had an idea of who I wanted to be in my head, and I did what I could to bring her to life but looking back, I wasn’t being myself. I didn’t know what I wanted besides knowing I wanted to be more than who I was at the time. Although Chicago was my soulmate, I was running from a Love I thought would last forever, a man who no longer made me happy, and a city I was tired of hustling/struggling in. My initial move to chitown didn’t last long but everything happens for a reason. Four years later, I got the opportunity to live there again, and it’s been one of my happiest experiences.

Heading Into Texas, I know myself better. I’m not going there to find out who I am or to create another version of myself. I’m going with the notion that I am Tiffany, a food explorer, Natural body care using, art museum lover, who is ready to move past my comfort zone. I welcome all positive experiences, and will diligently turn my negatives into learning lessons. Ultimately I’ll be arriving into my new city as myself. My perfectly imperfect but fly self.

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

Men are stupid.

I know I know. Not all men are stupid. Well I think all men aren’t supposed to be stupid but I’m getting the feeling they don’t know that. I want people, men in particular, to match their words with their actions. If you do not want a relationship, do not create an environment in which reflects one. If you do want a relationship, allow your words and actions to mirror what it is you want. I know it can be an amazing thing when a woman is focusing all of her attention on you, but if you know you do not share in her end goals, don’t egg her on.

In a perfect World, everyone would be honest in how they communicate and understanding each other’s wants and needs would be a breeze. As we both know, we do not reside in that perfect reality. So we have to be precise in what we communicate to others but also have the courage to walk away when what’s being offered isn’t what we want.

Jonez.