I don’t take care of myself as much as I need to or as much as I should. Because I’m there for others, I don’t have or make the time for myself. As a result, I’m miserable. I keep myself occupied with work so I’m too tired to evaluate my needs, too tired to care. Obviously this is a severely destructive path, and if I don’t start to take care of myself, I’ll be lying in a ditch somewhere. I think I was expecting someone to come along and save me from myself but this isn’t a fairy tale and no one will rescue me. I gotta save my damn self!
This week, I’m on vacation from work so I couldn’t hide from myself. My body was seriously malfunctioning, places were aching, my mind couldn’t settle itself and my body was desperately alerting me that it was about to crash. Although I definitely have responsibilities this week, I canceled everything to focus on me. To really put me first, to indulge in me, to allow my body the space to rest, to stretch and to do anything else she wanted to. I always feel like I deserve more than what I’m receiving in my dating life, but if I’m not treating my OWN self like I deserve more, why would anyone else?
I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action!
I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!
For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.
SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?
I can be super honest and open with you all right? Without judgement? Even tho, I don’t give a shit about anyone judging me, but y’all wouldn’t.
By a show of hands, how many of us had a “friendwithbenefits”? Well I did. However I wouldn’t necessarily say we were friends. I wasn’t making plans for us to hang out outside of a bedroom, and he wasn’t calling so we could chop it up about our life goals. Our relationship was very specific, we talked enough to assess what was needed sexually. The few times we ventured into actual conversation about actual topics, things felt weird, at least for me.
So imagine my utter shock and surprise when he requested me on Facebook! Like ummmm Sir, what is you doing baby? It’s weird thinking of him going through my photos, and seeing my friends, reading my thoughts, I haven’t accepted the request and I’m not sure if I will.
Life is funny like that.
Sometimes I really wonder if my life is a reality show to the angels. And if they’re constantly yelling plot twist! The number of weird randomness happening is at an all time high, and I’m just trying to get thru my work week without falling on my face. If tonight was the season finale for my reality show, I’m scared but slightly excited for next season’s foolery.
My latest topic was to include asking the age old question, “Do you have a “What If Guy” but I’ll be saving that for another day. I just realized, it’s possible that I’m the “Back Up Girl”
In my head I heard the SVU sound, dah dah. I definitely don’t want to be anyone’s fall back chick, Ew. Out of the men I’ve seriously dated, there are only two that I am no longer cordial with, however I’ve remained friendly with the rest. Is it so far fetched that they stay in contact with me, just in case their relationships don’t work out in a way that they’ve planned them to? Or is my thinking totally off?
Someone I was dating as a young adult recently attempted to reconnect with me, but it was so out of the blue. And to make matters stranger, he didn’t ease into it, it was more like “I miss you, Let’s be together… I’m serious this time.” So were you not serious before? Without even asking me if I’m involved, he just made an assumption that I’m single and looking to be in a relationship with him. Eh. Since I haven’t responded happily to his new revelation I haven’t heard from him, besides him “liking” my photos on Instagram.
Now do you see why I’ve given up the idea of dating? Migraine City.
As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.
How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’