Category: Living Life

Zoom Partyyy

Last Night, I hosted a quarantine Happy hour. I posted it on my social media outlets, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure who, If anyone, was going to show up. Well… imagine my surprise when my childhood friends came thru for me. I’ll be the first to admit I was nervous, it such a hard thing to put yourself out there, not knowing what the outcome will be. I had such a great time, I am so glad I thought about doing this, I am even glader (I know, not a word) that they came to happy hour with me. Such a great time, of laughs, and being able to be together, although we couldn’t actually be together.

Jonez.

Also Shout out to my boo, for coming thru to a happy hour and not knowing who the hell would be there, or what the topics would be about. Thank you for taking a leap, and joining, you are truly appreciated. Forever!

Mothers Day

Its been sixteen years since my mother had died, so Mother’s Day doesn’t hit as it would if I had a parent. Grieving is a weird thing, because it doesn’t move us the same. I find myself being less sad in general, but there are times, I am so sadden, its hard to think of anything else than her not being here. With Mother’s Day upon us, its just a regular day. It wasn’t until about two years ago, that I even acknowledged the day, and wished it to others.

So I am going to take the time to wish everyone who is a mother, a Happy Mother’s Day. To those of us, still trying to navigate what it means to live life without having a mother, continue to be whatever you need. Please remember to lean on those who love you, love on them a little harder today! I Love You, Always

Jonez.

Hitch

The Hopeless Romantic in me loves the movie Hitch, I know we’ve discussed this before but its currently showing on Netflix, and I seriously cannot get enough of it. At this very moment I am watching, between my writing, I know I know I should be focusing on what I am doing but I get a pass cuz … its Hitch! What attracts me to the movie, besides the location, is Hitch, and his love interest, Sara. Both, are so guarded, so scared to move forward with each other because of what they have dealt with in the past, but yet, they still inch closer and closer to one another.

I’m Sorry, I didn’t even ask you guys, if you’ve seen Hitch? Yes? Don’t you just love it? And If you haven’t, I AM Judging you… Why haven’t you seen it yet? Today! GO NOW!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary…

I have to forgive myself for all the times my actions failed to show how deeply I valued myself. March & April were weird months for me, and I refuse to allow May to continue on in the same manner. So I am, taking the time to cry to create healthier routines. Crazy enough, a few folks have permanently exited my life, I’m still processing how I feel about that. However I did tell myself I wasn’t going to solely focus on those who are gone, they don’t deserve any of my energy.

For weeks, I thought of writing but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. I was just, ‘being’ but now, here I am.

Bare with me as I attempt to get my life together.

Jonez.

This Chapter …

Is called, “Worry ‘Bout Yo’ Self!”

Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.

What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?

Tristan Jonez.

According to Wale…

“I don’t really know a damn thing about this love thing but I’m tryna try.”

In the past, telling me you are willing to try this ‘love thing’ may have excited me. Wow! Here we have a man, he’s willing to try but nah, I need specifics. The goal is to organically fall in love, I’m definitely for that, but how you do plan to accomplish this goal? Have you gone to therapy to not only acknowledge your past traumas but to work on finding root causes. How do you show love, how do you want love shown to you? What does being vulnerable look like to you? How comfortable are you with expressing yourself? Your emotions? How can you positively express your disappointments? Your grievances?

I’ve been short changing myself by only accepting the bare minimum from a man as I wouldn’t want to push him too much. I want him to open up when he’s ready, all in due time, create a safe space where he can feel comfortable enough to want to express himself. However isn’t that where we go wrong? Not having those conversations early on so we know what to expect. OMG! The dreaded expectation word! As much as we want to steer from creating expectations we HAVE to. You and your partner need a flexible guide to follow so miscommunications are kept to a minimum.

Elle Varner Pour Me (thinking bout u) ft Wale

Tristan Jonez

Black Tings.

Although Black History Month is over, we are still all about black tings on this site cuz I IS BLACK! Technically, I am blackity black, pretty much black af, you know, BLACK! So the other day, white folk tried it, they had the audacity to leave one star rating on The honeypot company’s trust pilot page. Why do you ask… well they were BIG mad, the founder Beatrice Dixon, expressed how vital it was, that her success could pave the way for [future] black girls [enterprenuers], in the Target ad shot for Black & Women’s history month. Because the racist comments, white women were leaving, black twitter went into action, calling on all of us to combat the negativity with the positivity of hashtag Black Girl Magic. Now, I want to be sure to highlight, it was not only black folk who were writing glowing reviews, Unracist white women and men were also fighting the good fight!

What funny about this Uproar, People who had not heard of the company, was made very aware of the products they create, which is woman’s feminine products. First of All, the company’s tagline, “Made by Humans with vaginas, for women with vaginas.” I personally use the products, and I love them! I call them my power pad. I’ve been looking into an organic, natural product for my vagina which includes pads/tampons cuz she deserves the fucking best! Those same white folk, who were writing those reviews could’ve probably benefited from the very brand they was dissin’. Idiots! So the next time you’re in Target, feel free to stop in the personal care aisle, and grab some panty liners, wipes or sprays.

Thank you for coming to my episode of Black Tings.

Tristan Jonez

5 Year Plan.

So a friend asked me last night what was my five year plan to which I responded, “Don’t have one.”

Backstory, said friend mentioned wanting to experience Egypt before she died, (No, she isn’t sick) but after my response of, “Girl, Yes! Research flights, excursions, food, and places to stay” she said, oh no not right now, in about five years. I’m like FIVE YEARS? Girl, you could die, waiting! My friend went on to explain, she’s working on paying off debt which could take another two years, possibly buying a house, after that, then she thinks she’ll be ready to travel in a manner she’d like. Now, I know having goals are a great thing, I have em too, just my goals revolve around traveling.

With the current climate we are living in, Life’s fragility seems so much more apparent. So much more real. It’s as if, we are understanding that we are not as invincible as we believed ourselves to be. With that knowledge, I couldn’t see myself waiting for … something. If I want it, I need to make it happen, without placing a timetable on it. For me, a five year plan wouldn’t sustain me, because I’m aware of how fleeting time is.

So, “Why wait for tomorrow, when you can go today?!”

Tristan Jonez

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

Birthday Love

So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?

I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.

Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

My My My, its been such a long time, that Ive ‘written’ in you dear diary. I do apologize, Ive just been out here living life. So I know, you hate being kept in the dark, so let’s discuss the dating life … or lack of. But Diary you’ll be proud to know that I am slowly putting myself back out there. Dipping one toe in at a time, although I am coming to the realization, that I may need to just jump straight in. Let’s discuss the latest dating woes.

So Ive been cool with this guy on Instagram for some time now, have conversation fairly regularly, so much so that he expressed his interest in getting to know me, and potentially taking me out on a ‘real life date’ … the dilemma, he lives in Canada. For me, that’s no super big deal, I can fly wherever, and I’m cool with long distance relationships, when they make sense. So I am acting like an interested person, I provide him with my number so he doesn’t have to DM me, he’ll now have direct contact with me. Well I guess that was too much for him, because literally after I gave my number the excuses started. First he’d left his phone at work, which is a believable thing then he’s so exhausted from work that he forgot to reach out in any compacity. My last annoyance came from, I understand being busy, I can understand you forgetting your phone at work, but how is it, you watch all my Instagram stories, and find a way to post your social media BUT you can’t remember to communicate with someone who YOU’VE told you was interested? Chile I can’t! So seeing the yellow flags, I sent a message to him, which took him two days to respond. His response seemed like a genuine one, and he apologized, so I accepted, then asked a follow up question to which, as of today, he hasn’t responded.

I find myself not upset, not even annoyed, but if you have no intention of following through, leave women alone. However whether or not it matters to him, we’ll never have an interaction again, he’s showed he isn’t worth my time. So I’ll focus on those who are.

Tristan Jonez.