According to Wale…

“I don’t really know a damn thing about this love thing but I’m tryna try.”

In the past, telling me you are willing to try this ‘love thing’ may have excited me. Wow! Here we have a man, he’s willing to try but nah, I need specifics. The goal is to organically fall in love, I’m definitely for that, but how you do plan to accomplish this goal? Have you gone to therapy to not only acknowledge your past traumas but to work on finding root causes. How do you show love, how do you want love shown to you? What does being vulnerable look like to you? How comfortable are you with expressing yourself? Your emotions? How can you positively express your disappointments? Your grievances?

I’ve been short changing myself by only accepting the bare minimum from a man as I wouldn’t want to push him too much. I want him to open up when he’s ready, all in due time, create a safe space where he can feel comfortable enough to want to express himself. However isn’t that where we go wrong? Not having those conversations early on so we know what to expect. OMG! The dreaded expectation word! As much as we want to steer from creating expectations we HAVE to. You and your partner need a flexible guide to follow so miscommunications are kept to a minimum.

Elle Varner Pour Me (thinking bout u) ft Wale

Tristan Jonez

5 Year Plan.

So a friend asked me last night what was my five year plan to which I responded, “Don’t have one.”

Backstory, said friend mentioned wanting to experience Egypt before she died, (No, she isn’t sick) but after my response of, “Girl, Yes! Research flights, excursions, food, and places to stay” she said, oh no not right now, in about five years. I’m like FIVE YEARS? Girl, you could die, waiting! My friend went on to explain, she’s working on paying off debt which could take another two years, possibly buying a house, after that, then she thinks she’ll be ready to travel in a manner she’d like. Now, I know having goals are a great thing, I have em too, just my goals revolve around traveling.

With the current climate we are living in, Life’s fragility seems so much more apparent. So much more real. It’s as if, we are understanding that we are not as invincible as we believed ourselves to be. With that knowledge, I couldn’t see myself waiting for … something. If I want it, I need to make it happen, without placing a timetable on it. For me, a five year plan wouldn’t sustain me, because I’m aware of how fleeting time is.

So, “Why wait for tomorrow, when you can go today?!”

Tristan Jonez

First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Blk Santa

So I am attempting to herd my family and take photos with Black Santa at Macy’s in New York in the next few days, since my niece and I will both be in New York. As y’all know I live in Dallas now and my youngest niece is away at college in Delaware. With the remaining members of my fam, my sis, nephew and my oldest niece they all live in NYC but have competely different schedules. I thought it would be a fun thing to do, as a family since we don’t really have many photos together as a unit. But my loving family, with all their many personalities, are driving me almost insane. We have two new family members, and I honestly don’t know how my mother was able to juggle all these crazy personalities, cuz my sibling and I ALONE, would take a bevy of circus handlers. In addition to handling personalities, schedules need to be respected, then to add to the mix, my sister would like us to wear either white or red turtle necks but my youngest niece already said nope. So in addition to now trying to figure out a top that would suit everyone, we have to be concerned with how everyone’s hair is going to be styled, except for me cuz I’m throwing on a wig. Sigh.

I will definitely keep y’all up to date with what actually happens on picture day.

Tristan Jonez.

One Night Only (STL)

Not exactly a nighttime activity but its equally important … Brunch!

I think I speak for the Planet when I say, I live for a good brunch, especially when there’s bottomless Bellini’s. While in St. Louis last Sunday, I did extensive research (I googled) and decided to give Polite Society a try. The menu is as you’d expect, different specialties of eggs; beaten, sunny side, and scrambled, with some dishes of toast and burgers in the mix. I went with the French toast with seasonal berries and whipped cream, a weird choice since I don’t like eggs or French toast for that case but I’m a weird one. The berries were fresh, and a welcomed add-on to the French toast. Pleasantly surprised the French toast didn’t have that eggy taste, toasted with a nice caramel coloring, simple beautiful.

My homeboy went with the infamous brunch choice, Chicken & Waffles. Instead of coming along with the usual chicken wings, it was a panko crusted cutlet which was baked? Fried? Oven fried? To perfection. Then mixed in the with the syrup, also something I don’t usually care for on my plate, it was delicious. I wanted to trade plates with him but he was set on eating his own food. Selfish, I know. I’m assuming the waffles were delicious as his plate was clean when it was time to pay the bill.

Also Note, There is a bar, obviously but it fills up pretty quickly as this is a popular spot for Brunch. I’d advise making a reservation to ensure a table, (I think that’s what grown ups do) but get there prior to the reservation so you can have a drink at the bar.

Tristan J

True to the Game (Movie)

We both know books will always be better than the movie. We also both know, the minor details, the way we see the characters, the Je ne sais quoi of the book won’t always reflect in the movie version but we always hope we’ll recognize the vibe of the book. Unfortunately True to the Game has been butchered severely. The folks who produced and rewritten for television consumption did the book a disservice, and it’s only been on for eight minutes. Just like y’all, I’ve read this book more times than I can count and I’d told myself not to watch the movie but I don’t normally listen, so let’s analyze.

Book Quadir is a man you’ll hear about but rarely will see. Movie Quadir is front and center. Book Qua, NEVER would he handle business in a crowded club, NEVER. He’s chatting it up with females, being seen, eh! Disgusting. Where’s the finesse? The kuft?

I think I’ve said what the fuck and What am I watching about thirty times.

Have you read the book? If so, would watching this atrocity of a movie, ever enter your mind?

Jonez

Dear Diary …

I’m tired of being me, but I don’t want to be anyone else, Ever.

I get tired of folks seeking and using my light, my energy for themselves. Depleting, taking all my gifts, and failing to replenish. Some humans just know how to drain the Life out of you. Sidenote; I don’t think I’ve been kind to myself lately. I KNOW I need a beach, I know I need to feel the sand between my fingers, on my body and I have yet to give my soul what its’ seeking.

How often do you retreat to give yourself what you need? Do you listen to your body/soul when it says Stop? Go? Rest?

Jonez.

One Night Only (Atl)

Surprisingly I’ve only been to Atlanta once. A city that’s such a historic epicenter, I can’t understand why I haven’t been interested in going before.

One Night Only Consists of three parts, The Arts, Food and Culture. Right now, let’s explore The Arts. SCAD, The Savannah College of Arts and Design, has SCAD FASH, museum of fashion and Film, which initially wasn’t on my radar, but I was lead to explore. Quick Story, the museum’s entry is ‘car friendly’, it’s easily accessible thru the parking garage but you know I’m walking. So I ended up walking pass the parking garage, then walking back and thru the garage, but it’s only key accessible on the ground flr. So I had to walk to the first floor to get to the elevator, to gain access to the fourth floor! Extensive but, the exhibit was worth every bead of sweat acquired.

The space houses two exhibits at the same time usually but a new exhibit was being installed which opens later this month on the 22nd. An intimate space, which allows personal attention from the curator, was a nice change from the major museums we usually experience. The exhibit, Form & Function: Shoe Art by Chris Frances, an iconic Los Angeles based artist, who explores the blurred lines of art, fashion and functionality. The exhibit continues through December 8th.

Jonez.

In the Name of Fa$hion

The focus was/is the army fatigue sequin pencil skirt from Le Superbe. Everyone always treats army fatigue as a neutral color so I followed the trend and paired it with a outrageous pink tee shirt with a random banana print. As y’all know I’ve been stepping outside of my comfort zone of jeans and a tee shirt so I shocked myself that this paired together so well.

Ladies, I know we can be hard on ourselves about gaining or loosing weight but work on whatever it is you’re stressing over. You see that fupa in the photo, a month ago i would’ve done everything to ‘pose’ it out of my shot, but in reality I’ve embraced what I don’t necessarily love about my body, while slowly making diet and lifestyle changes.

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

Recently I was asked to be a contributor for a publication which caters to a no bs approach to living a chill life. I haven’t said yes, I’m still debating what I have to offer this publication. Before I started writing this, I had to ask myself, if I didn’t jump at the chance to reach a bigger audience because I genuinely don’t have the time or if I’m questioning if I’m good enough. Most likely it’s the latter, self doubt it such a strange thing. I know I’m a good writer, and I know other people feel the same way about my writing but having to actually put it out there for strangers to read … am I good enough for that?

To calm myself, I usually remember reading Kimora Lee Simmons book, Fabulousity, where she writes, “Believe in those who believe in you.” So that usually how I calm those wicked thoughts in my head. It’s funny how you get older and question everything in life, but as a younger adult, I was beyond fearless. Slowly but surely I’m seeking to get back to ‘that’ place, but it starts with pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

Here goes nothing …

Tristan J

Cut It Off?

In this age of dating, stop being so quick to cut ‘a nigga off’.

The options are endless, choices boundless but doesn’t it get tiring swiping right or left? How much time are you actually putting in to get to know someone? A week is NOT enough time to really know anything about a person. Hell, only texting for a few weeks isn’t enough. I’ve had to learn to slow it down, taking my time is never a bad thing. Talking to multiple isn’t a bad thing either, however attempting to date five people at the same time isn’t it! You’ll surely be spreading urself too thin. Although I’m currently getting to know one person, I could handle another, but no one has piqued my interest enough. I’m sure it also has something to do with my moving to another city. Once I’m settled in Dallas, I’ll be out and about getting to know the city, and the chocolate men that come with it.

How long do you average with someone before they are either let go or invested into?

Writers Edit: Red Flags are NOT to be ignored. Just like anything in life, there are varying degrees of red flags, but when getting to know someone, be sure you know what your hard red flags look like so you can judge that situation correctly.

Jonez

Crushin’

Y’all! I had the biggest crush when I was growing up in Baltimore .. Lil’ Stevie. He had to be the most beautiful man I ever laid eyes on, killer smile, amazing complexion and just charming, although he might’ve said hey to me, once. I’m sure he could’ve asked me to wait an eternity for him, and I probably would’ve done it. All logic left my body when I had the pleasure to be near him. I’m three years younger than shorty so I wasn’t on his radar. I will say this, because I was the new girl in my neighborhood, everyone knew who I was, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew my name, and maybe even what my face looked like, but still not on his radar.

So some months ago a guy started following me on Instagram and FB, up until recently I had no clue it was him. I had been chit chatting with him like he’s just a regular degular guy, I even half way tried to holla at him. Y’all can’t know how mortified I was when I pieced together that it was him! Lil’ Stevie was real ‘thing’ and I was just super cool about it. However even if he was as single as a dollar bill, there would NEVER be an opportunity. Reality has the tendency to mess with the fantasy that you’ve created in your head. I will not, and cannot allow reality to get in the way!

Although I am now an adult, and I could speak on how I felt as a kid, hell I might could even suggest we go meet up fro drinks and dinner, I want to preserve the idea of how he is in my head. Plus, after drinks all he would have to do is smile, and I’m sure my panties would evaporate!

Have you ever had a crush, and was able to bring ‘y’all’ to life? If you had the opportunity to bring it to life, would you?

Tristan Jonez.