Black Tings.

Although Black History Month is over, we are still all about black tings on this site cuz I IS BLACK! Technically, I am blackity black, pretty much black af, you know, BLACK! So the other day, white folk tried it, they had the audacity to leave one star rating on The honeypot company’s trust pilot page. Why do you ask… well they were BIG mad, the founder Beatrice Dixon, expressed how vital it was, that her success could pave the way for [future] black girls [enterprenuers], in the Target ad shot for Black & Women’s history month. Because the racist comments, white women were leaving, black twitter went into action, calling on all of us to combat the negativity with the positivity of hashtag Black Girl Magic. Now, I want to be sure to highlight, it was not only black folk who were writing glowing reviews, Unracist white women and men were also fighting the good fight!

What funny about this Uproar, People who had not heard of the company, was made very aware of the products they create, which is woman’s feminine products. First of All, the company’s tagline, “Made by Humans with vaginas, for women with vaginas.” I personally use the products, and I love them! I call them my power pad. I’ve been looking into an organic, natural product for my vagina which includes pads/tampons cuz she deserves the fucking best! Those same white folk, who were writing those reviews could’ve probably benefited from the very brand they was dissin’. Idiots! So the next time you’re in Target, feel free to stop in the personal care aisle, and grab some panty liners, wipes or sprays.

Thank you for coming to my episode of Black Tings.

Tristan Jonez

Where’s my Lid?

If a man’s words and actions don’t match, leave. If you’re set on staying, always go according to his words. He can ‘show’ you all the emotions and feels in the World but once you start getting attached, he’ll remind you, aht aht, I told you what I wanted in the beginning. If it’s a situation where he’s not looking for commitment but you are, leave. Don’t even waste a second of your time, cuz you’ll see all the great qualities about him, possibly meet friends, learn about him, accommodate him, then when it’s feeling like a relationship, he remind you, Aht Aht, I told you, I’m not ready for that.

Trust me! I know it’s a pain to meet someone then be told they don’t want the same things as you. The dating pool in EVERY city sucks, flight attendant here, so I know, but don’t settle for the now, play the long game. I’m a firm believer, there’s a lid for every bowl, you just have to be patient enough and bold enough to go after what you want. Don’t take a man telling you, he’s not looking for the things you are as a challenge. ITS NOT A CHALLENGE! The likelihood of him changing his mind based off of anything besides his own mind, is very slim. So waste not another second on him. Go out and find your lid!

Tristan Jonez

Finish Last.

For a few days, I’ve been thinking of this text, a friend sent me. I’m genuinely nice, all the time. Never looking for anything in return. Just wanting folks to change their perspective, and see the good that’s to be seen in a situation. Do I have moments where I’m stuck complaining? Yes! But I try to set limits on those moments, cuz truly what do we get out of complaining?

I personally know life is a fragile, beautiful but short thing. I didn’t put my all into people as I should’ve while they were alive, so I use that to continue to move forward but to be as pleasant as I can. I’ve been thinking about what I want to be remembered for, what’s my legacy? I want folks to always feel I genuinely cared for them, that my niceness knew no bounds when it came to making them happy.

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

I’ve been thinking about the conversations I’ve had with my guy recently and I don’t think we consider men’s trauma. Of course we know they have to deal with nonsense just like women in relation to relationships but there’s a “Just get Over it” vibe that we emit. If a woman states, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she simply doesn’t want one, she’s asked a billion questions as to why she feels this way, most times it’s assumed she’s been hurt by a man. However when a man makes this statement, it’s taken at face value. I’m guilty of this, although I don’t usually question women, It doesn’t cross my mind to ask a man, to elaborate his feelings; mistake number one.

Although I am no longer seeking a committed relationship with my guy currently, it’s been interesting getting to know him. Relationships can and will change as feelings deepens. Because he seems as a man who’ll give everything to a relationship, he’s moving cautiously because of the past traumas he’s endured. I haven’t asked him to provide details, not because I’m not interested, I want to know all parts of him, but I’ve found in dealing with trauma, it should be something the person wishes to discuss. He knows I’m a great look for him, however he’s been through too much to move forward with his heart lightly, and I could never fault him for that.

Ladies, I think we have to start being more sympathetic to how men feel. We should be asking questions and seeking clarification when we don’t know something and would like to. I understand a man should be adult enough to speak up but we don’t know what they’ve been faced with prior to entering our lives. I also believe men have to learn how to use their words, when expressing their feelings. If we start creating safe spaces for both, men and women to feel comfortable, less communication mishaps will occur.

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

Men are stupid.

I know I know. Not all men are stupid. Well I think all men aren’t supposed to be stupid but I’m getting the feeling they don’t know that. I want people, men in particular, to match their words with their actions. If you do not want a relationship, do not create an environment in which reflects one. If you do want a relationship, allow your words and actions to mirror what it is you want. I know it can be an amazing thing when a woman is focusing all of her attention on you, but if you know you do not share in her end goals, don’t egg her on.

In a perfect World, everyone would be honest in how they communicate and understanding each other’s wants and needs would be a breeze. As we both know, we do not reside in that perfect reality. So we have to be precise in what we communicate to others but also have the courage to walk away when what’s being offered isn’t what we want.

Jonez.

Wine? More Please!

I wasn’t sure what to expect with Gabrielle Union’s book, and therefore I had no expectations. So she pleasantly surprised the shit out of me. I’m not sure why I pictured her as someone who was a bit rigid in her personality but the book was such a good read. Obviously there was some chapters that wasn’t easy to read, although I wasn’t the one living that particular truth, I could still feel her. I’ve added Gabrielle Union to the very short list of women who are friends in my head, Monica is number one, if you was wondering. I respect the level of honesty required to write her book. I’m thankful she found the courage to explore her past, to relive the not so nice parts, to be able to be a story teller to us.

As long as I can remember I was willing to support Gabrielle Union, the actress, now, I’m ready to support Gabrielle Union the woman.

Tristan Jonez.

Familia

I share my experiences cuz I want y’all to be better than me. Learn from all the weirdo, dumbass things I do and make better choices. First, I’m mad dramatic but my point is still valid. Don’t let two months go by before you make time for your family. I in fact, have done just that. The last time I was with my family was June 18, so I’mma few days shy of two months but wayyy too damn long. Now that I’m going to see them tomorrow I can just cry, and will most likely cry when I see them. Hell I’m crying as I write this. Although I have been in every other city than my own, it’s no excuse. I will never allow this much time to pass before I physically see my fam.

Life truly is too short. While I’m getting families to and from, safely, my own hasn’t laid eyes on this beautiful face. Pissing my sister off via cellular device, doesn’t have the same effect. Being all in both my nieces business, just don’t do the job over the phone and showering my nephew with love, can’t be felt over the phone. Realize and understand the importance of family BEFORE something tragic happens. I’ll be heading home to New York later on today, and a sleepover is definitely needed!

Tristan J

Luv U.

As much as we may want the very best for our friends. As much as we may want nothing but greatness for them, we cannot be willing to work harder for it than them. Trust, I know that shit sucks but you’ll kill yourself trying to obtain greatness on behalf of someone else. I’ll continue to be there for my friends, I’ll continue to be a listening ear if necessary but I will not longer shoulder their issues. I will no longer accept their problems as my own, looking for solutions and alternatives. No. I can’t. I’ve tasted the sweet taste of happiness, it’s taken me a while to get here but NOW, that I’m here I can’t let anyone threaten that peace.

To my friends, I love you. Sincerely. I want you to learn who you are, trust in yourself and know you deserve the very best from another human being. Trust that if s/he isn’t willing to offer their best, they aren’t willing to compromise to see you happy then Be prepared to move forward without them. Know that it’s healthy to be alone, and it’s necessary to carve time out to place yourself first.

Love yourself.

Tristan J {AKA} Tiffany, Your Friend.

Pieces of my Soul

I’m a crybaby, always have been and will continue to be but I don’t normally get emotional at museums. Well, I wished someone would love told me to bring the tissues. Recently I traveled to Little Rock, Arkansas, first stop, Old State House Museum. Perhaps one day I’ll learn to research what’s on display BEFORE I visit but I’ll admit I’m lazy. However I think y’all know that already.

No secret, I love anything black people related. So I damn there bust out in the ugly cry for the A Piece of my Soul: Quilts by Black Arkansans exhibit. I remember being a young girl and snuggling up to the quilt that my grandmother, Theo Western, kept close. If I close my eyes and concentrate I can almost remember every single square. I’m embarrassed that I never inquired about each patch and the significance. My grandmother has since passed but I was able to find pride in her and this exhibit. Fun Fact: Quilts could weight as much as fifty pounds!

The museum has at minimum two hundred Quilts and proceeds to rotate the Quilts so all can be displayed. Yall know I’m super hyped to return. Growing up did you experience the magic of Quilts?

Tristan J

Taste of Chicago

So much food, EVERYWHERE.

After years of wanting to go, wishing I could go, trying to set my schedule so I could go, I’ve finally made it to Taste of Chicago and they didn’t disappoint! I know, I had to have read all about the ins and out of “The Taste” as it’s affectionately known but I really didn’t have any expectations as to the food variety. I was surprised with Mexican, African, Jamaican, more Mexican and of course Two different varieties of Pizza. Although I opted to stay away from The dough, the smell was delicious enough to change my mind.

Day One was HOT! I met up with my fly sister, Shakila, copped some food tickets, and took a survey of our selection. Did I say it was hot? Cuz it was. My confession of never having Harold’s led us straight there and OMG. Juicy, tender, flavorful chicken. And yes!, I got the mild sauce!

After some prime shots, because hello! The sun was giving us this Glow, it was time for sweets. The stifling heat called for funnel cakes with ice cream, Italian and Mexican iceys.

Tristan Jonez

FYI Its called a Taste of Chicago because you can get a ‘taste’ of the food, ( a small but lightly filling portion) or a full portion. Genius!

When?

When did we get into the habit of glossing over the ‘struggle’? I find that folks are so eager to show that they are winning, that it creates unrealistic expectations so when you do lose, personally, you lose your fucking mind. We know, with all forms of social media, you have to keep up airs, stay put on but isn’t that exhausting? Now don’t get me wrong, who the hell wants to solely focus on failures? Nobody. That’s a depressing place to be, but shit happens, right?

I want to create a place of equal balance. A place where we celebrate the lows just as fiercely as the highs. Now maybe I won’t be the actual person to create this haven I’m looking for but i do want to play my part. So although I do believe I vocalize my lows and highs equally, I will be more aware of the content I put out. Just as often as I scream men ain’t shit but fuck boys, I’ll turn around and showcase men who have the qualities that’ll make your knees buckle.
Balance.

T. Jonez

Ego Fragility

Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.

Tristan Jonez