Single Again

Cue Trina, ‘I’m single again, back on the prowl. I thought it was perfect, I don’t know how’

I’m not sure if I’m ever sad over being single. I mean, I grow fond of people, especially if we have a genuine connection but what’s the point of fretting over spilled milk? I pay attention to the reg flags! I don’t ignore certain things just because I don’t want to be single. HELL NO! That’s how you end up with a mf for ten years, and wake up one day like ‘where did the time go?’ I refuse for that scenario to ever become my life.

I’ll even indulge in actions that I may not love but if I bring it to your attention and there’s actual change I respect it. But I’m not going to keep expressing my feelings and they continue to be ignored. I’m also tired of meeting one version of a man, then when he gets comfortable, I get to meet the real version of him. Nope! Not dealing with that anymore either. So tired of people’s representatives! At first I told myself I wasn’t going to date but off that! Let the dating olympics begin!

Tristan Jonez

Be Grown.

Since January 1st, I’ve been implementing mission: minding my damn business! Whatever someone needs to do to make themselves happy, I keep my opinion to myself. Even if their decision causes THEM pain, I just be like ‘oh ok’, or ‘wow that’s crazy’. Folks are out here living life, however they see fit, and it’s up to me to continue to mind the business that pays me. Whether a friend or foe, I keep my opinions to myself. There are times when said person wants my opinion on things, and I’ve also been keeping that to myself. Most times, folks are going to do what they want, so I’m wasting my time, getting my feelings involved, when they aren’t going to take heed to anything being said.

I know some folks who would intervene if said person was hurting themselves, but I refuse, unless they were mentally underdeveloped. Everyone I know, and are friends with is GROWN! They are able to take care of themselves, and should be able to make sound decisions. I’ve learned people need to learn for themselves, so who am I to take away their lesson but giving them a cheat code? Nope!

Tristan Jonez

Communi

“Without active communication, the relationship is dead”

Y’all, I’m tired.

I’m so tired, I am nearing exhaustion. Have y’all ever tried to communicate for two people, yourself and another? I’m so tired of trying to decipher what someone actually means and deciphering it incorrectly. I want folks to start being upfront with what they want. Speak up! If you want A, don’t say you’re okay with B, when that’s not the truth. I know I don’t have the patience of a saint, but I do my best to allow folks to communicate at the pace they are comfortable with, but when it starts to affect me, then we have a problem.

If you are a grown up it should be a requirement that you know how to affectively communicate before you can be classified as an adult. Communication is not just about getting your point across, you have to know how to LISTEN, and put what’s been said into action. If you’re not receiving what’s being said, then what’s the point? Folks get tired of talking until they are blue in the face. I’m not going to allow folks to drain me, cuz they can’t seem to know how to actively listen!

Tristan Jonez

Dad?

Dear Dad,

I thought long and hard about what I would say to you, If given the opportunity to speak to you, and I still have trouble finding words to adequately express my feelings. First, thank you for connecting with my Geraldine Garlick, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Although y’all connection was short, It was long enough to create me! So for that alone, I thank you. I have no malice in my heart for you, and hope that you learn the errors of your ways before its too late to make amends. I’ve done all I can, and all I will to have a healthy father-daughter relationship with you. I promise I’m not mad, bitter or angry. I forgive you in advance for the apology that will come much later. You know the one … where you explain because you didn’t have a clear example of what a father should look like, you didn’t know what was expected of you, although Pops was an amazing grandfather. Or the excuse, that because I lived 200 miles away, and my mother ‘never’ let you see me, you didn’t know what else you could have done to raise me. Or the one where it seemed I was such an independent kid, It didn’t seem like there was any room for you to actually be a parent.

I’ve already forgiven you, now forgive yourself. I am not blocking you out of spite, but more out of protection for my sanity. I can no longer allow you to mistreat me, and I certainly will not allow you to disappoint/neglect my children (some day). How can I? At some point, I have to cut off the toxicity at the root before it has room to spread. I genuinely love you dad, but the love I have for myself surpasses that. Take Care Old man.

Love you to bits,

Tristan Jonez.

Poem Reader.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending the pop up art show at AMFM gallery, remember? Well I semi documented my time at the event, but I left out a minor detail. I met someone, and actually gave him my real number; shocking I know. Although he’s not someone I would go for, I figured why not? I’m in a new city, and my ‘type’ could be whats holding me back from finding the love of my life. Lets call him, Tyrone. Tyrone is a few years younger than me but he’s educated, passionate about his beliefs, and OD hella funny. Like have me in tears, gotta pee funny.

I warned him about me being a flight attendant, that I really have poor time management plus I’m still trying to navigate around being a flight attendant, being away from home in a new city, etc etc etc. It seems like we are still able to interact over the phone, via text and voice calls. Sidenote: The first night we actually chitchatted on the phone, before we ended the call, he read me a poem. So y’all already know I was ready to marry the kid. I just thought that was such an original, dope thing to do, very out of the ordinary, and seemed genuine. Plus for the duration we talked, he would read me a poem before hanging up.

Fast forward to now, we no longer communicate. I’m a bit sad about that but I am not going to hound someone down to be there. It went left as the day we had planned to go on an ‘official’ date he kinda just left me on read, (iPhone). Earlier in the day we were to meet, a classmate flew in, and I gave her an impromptu tour of Chicago. I got back home with enough time to nap, shower and make it to our date, but I didn’t hear anything from him for the rest of the day. I even, double texted and called a few times but no response. And before you jump to take his defense, he’s alive and thriving. So the search continues, but I wanted to let you guys know, its amazing how open you can have a female just by being original.

Happy Dating.

Tristan Jonez

Familia

I share my experiences cuz I want y’all to be better than me. Learn from all the weirdo, dumbass things I do and make better choices. First, I’m mad dramatic but my point is still valid. Don’t let two months go by before you make time for your family. I in fact, have done just that. The last time I was with my family was June 18, so I’mma few days shy of two months but wayyy too damn long. Now that I’m going to see them tomorrow I can just cry, and will most likely cry when I see them. Hell I’m crying as I write this. Although I have been in every other city than my own, it’s no excuse. I will never allow this much time to pass before I physically see my fam.

Life truly is too short. While I’m getting families to and from, safely, my own hasn’t laid eyes on this beautiful face. Pissing my sister off via cellular device, doesn’t have the same effect. Being all in both my nieces business, just don’t do the job over the phone and showering my nephew with love, can’t be felt over the phone. Realize and understand the importance of family BEFORE something tragic happens. I’ll be heading home to New York later on today, and a sleepover is definitely needed!

Tristan J

Ego Fragility

Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.

Tristan Jonez

Self-Sabo.

Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.

Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.

Tristan Jonez

FYI – Wish me Luck! XOXO

Save Yourself.

Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.

I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.

Save Your Damn Selves.

Tristan J.

Life’s Funny

I remember being fourteen, creating a chart of how old I would be when I turned twenty-one, then twenty-five, and telling myself I couldn’t wait until I reached those ages. Those milestone which have since come and gone, and up until recently I was still waiting. For what I don’t know, well I can’t exactly pinpoint. I’ve been waiting fro Prince Charming to come into my world, waiting for people to be as much of a friend to me that I am to them, waiting to not be scared and thrive in all my talents, whether seen or unseen, waiting to finally give myself permission to live life on my terms … unapologetically!

Despite the fear, I usually do it. Whatever ‘it’ may be. I push myself because I’m my best hype man, hell I might be your best hype man too. Tonight I realize I need to place more value in myself, trust in what others see in me, and continue to dance to the sound of my voice, my heart and my drum. When something happens that brings fear back, remember life is funny like that. One moment you’re facing your biggest obstacle, next your looking back, laughing, on what you thought was your biggest obstacle.

Tristan J.

Dream Living.

So recently I was thinking about my childhood friends who are getting married, having children and just generally living life. In thinking of them, I stated thinking about my own life, and my future. I thought about the fact that I don’t have children yet, barely dating, but I’m living my travel dream. I didn’t realize before of how much I actually wanted to be a flight attendant, however now that I’m here and I’m actually doing it, this is what I want to do. I’d lie if I said this was a forever thing, but then again, who knows? I love the thrill of not knowing where I will be traveling to or who I will be traveling with. Obviously it can possibly be a stressful situation, but when you look it as an adventure, there is no way, you won’t be able to have the time of your life!

Tristan Jonez.

Nick Cave.

I had the pleasure of introducing myself to Artist Nick Cave newest exhibit at the Frist Museum in Nashville, and I’m still blown away. Feat., is his answer and rallying call to being a black man in America. Instead of being seen as hiding, I took his creation, his suits as a shield against racial profiling, against classism and gender bias.

Although I wear no such physical ‘suit’ I too know and understand the masking in which I’ve tried to blend in to society. However no matter how much I attempt to blend or conform to societies norms, I’m still a Black Woman.

Tristan Jonez.