I don’t take care of myself as much as I need to or as much as I should. Because I’m there for others, I don’t have or make the time for myself. As a result, I’m miserable. I keep myself occupied with work so I’m too tired to evaluate my needs, too tired to care. Obviously this is a severely destructive path, and if I don’t start to take care of myself, I’ll be lying in a ditch somewhere. I think I was expecting someone to come along and save me from myself but this isn’t a fairy tale and no one will rescue me. I gotta save my damn self!
This week, I’m on vacation from work so I couldn’t hide from myself. My body was seriously malfunctioning, places were aching, my mind couldn’t settle itself and my body was desperately alerting me that it was about to crash. Although I definitely have responsibilities this week, I canceled everything to focus on me. To really put me first, to indulge in me, to allow my body the space to rest, to stretch and to do anything else she wanted to. I always feel like I deserve more than what I’m receiving in my dating life, but if I’m not treating my OWN self like I deserve more, why would anyone else?
I’m always surprised by the number of folks who care about my well being, as the number of folks who don’t, especially when I am sick. Maybe it’s because I know what I would do in these type of life/death situation, Yes I know I’m dramatic! I’m aware that I am a rare breed, and I can’t expect everyone to do what I would do, but wtf. I’m not looking for anyone to go out of their way but It would be nice to have folks reach out, just to check on me.
So I will celebrate those who have, went above and beyond for me. I appreciate you!
With so few that truly defines what it means to be a friend, should we reward those who get it right? Now hear me out, I don’t think I should “pay” you to be my friend but if I’m out and about is it acceptable to purchase something for my friend? Personally my friendship in return is the reward for you completing your duties as “friend”. While I think gifts should be reserved for birthdays and holidays, you should always show your appreciation for a good friend. But don’t be confused with good friend behavior. ITS NOT THE SAME!
Anyone can be a good friend, once. It’s the consistency that creates a balanced friendship. I shouldn’t wonder if your going to be there when it’s needed. Loyalty shouldn’t be questioned. And if I find myself questioning your loyalty then what use are you as a friend?
I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action!
I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!
I’ll admit, because I’m always super honest with you guys, that I almost turned into a hater this week. As you all know, there’s nothing more I’d like to do than live in my Soul city of Chicago but when it came time to transfer, unforeseen circumstances prevented that. So a coworker IS actually transferring to Chicago and I was a bit bitter at first when I was told. I was (almost) a hater because I wanted so badly for that to be me.
I had to be real with myself, and remember how blessed I was for the opportunities that are presenting themselves, and Chicago may not be my destination right now. I owed it to myself to trust my journey but to wish my coworker well on her path. Since today was her last day, I brought a banging cake and a card, that had every little trinket that would remind her of New York. I decided to make this about her, and I’m so glad I did.
So, tell me when YOU was almost a hater!
For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.
SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?
I can be super honest and open with you all right? Without judgement? Even tho, I don’t give a shit about anyone judging me, but y’all wouldn’t.
By a show of hands, how many of us had a “friendwithbenefits”? Well I did. However I wouldn’t necessarily say we were friends. I wasn’t making plans for us to hang out outside of a bedroom, and he wasn’t calling so we could chop it up about our life goals. Our relationship was very specific, we talked enough to assess what was needed sexually. The few times we ventured into actual conversation about actual topics, things felt weird, at least for me.
So imagine my utter shock and surprise when he requested me on Facebook! Like ummmm Sir, what is you doing baby? It’s weird thinking of him going through my photos, and seeing my friends, reading my thoughts, I haven’t accepted the request and I’m not sure if I will.
Life is funny like that.
Sometimes I really wonder if my life is a reality show to the angels. And if they’re constantly yelling plot twist! The number of weird randomness happening is at an all time high, and I’m just trying to get thru my work week without falling on my face. If tonight was the season finale for my reality show, I’m scared but slightly excited for next season’s foolery.
So as y’all know, for the past few weeks I couldn’t sleep to save my life. The insomnia was kicking my ass in the worst possible way. I had tried all my tips and tricks minus taking sleeping pills but nothing was working for me. My next course of action was going to be those trusty sleeping pills, which can eventually have some dangerous side effects. So imagine my surprise when my friend, Tika, gifted me with a mug and peppermint tea, which is my absolute favorite!
I’m always appreciative of folks who do the little things for me! Tika, I can’t thank you enough.
As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.
How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’
This weekend I was a bit blue.
So Girls’ Trip, the movie, came out, and I wasn’t included in any of my group of friends conversation of attending. I know I am a bit of a solo dolo chick, who surely will pass on a group trip, but I love the movies! I was in my feelings of not being asked to attend, I’ve since got over that feeling but I realized that folks just want to be included in the plans that are being created. I wasn’t invited for whatever reason but I just chalk it up to people knowing I’m a dedicated workaholic.
However I do need to shout out, no #IGMOSHE, out of the friends that I do have he was the only person who invited me out to go see the movie, even though he definitely has no interest in it.
Sometimes I honestly feel as if I don’t really have anyone to lean on. Better yet, I don’t feel as if I can unpack all the shit that weighs me down to someone and have them be equal parts understanding, and non judgmental. Basically I need me a ‘me’. I’ve perfected the art of being a friend, and I hate myself a lil for it. I wonder if I was less of a friend, if I would have more folks who appreciate me. I check up with people who I haven’t heard from in a while. I reach out when something seems off about their behavior, especially on social media. If I was needed I would drop everything to be there in person, if thats what it took to get them back to 100% I feel as if I am an after thought, like oh right, I should’ve invited T, or damn I forgot to call T about this event. If I went missing, besides my coworkers, I wonder if anyone would know notice. We have to start being better people to one another, be there for those that are there for us. Im often alone with my thoughts, that I had no choice but to love myself, if I didn’t I would’ve been lost my fuking mind.
I’m learning to unpack for myself. I write the things that I feel are needed to unpack, then I release that shit into the Universe and I move forward. I do my best to see in what areas I can improve in, and do my best to be aware when moving forward. There are days where Im unpacking similar things, but change takes time, so I don’t beat myself up. I just focus more on what I can do to bring about change.
How do you unpack?