5 Year Plan.

So a friend asked me last night what was my five year plan to which I responded, “Don’t have one.”

Backstory, said friend mentioned wanting to experience Egypt before she died, (No, she isn’t sick) but after my response of, “Girl, Yes! Research flights, excursions, food, and places to stay” she said, oh no not right now, in about five years. I’m like FIVE YEARS? Girl, you could die, waiting! My friend went on to explain, she’s working on paying off debt which could take another two years, possibly buying a house, after that, then she thinks she’ll be ready to travel in a manner she’d like. Now, I know having goals are a great thing, I have em too, just my goals revolve around traveling.

With the current climate we are living in, Life’s fragility seems so much more apparent. So much more real. It’s as if, we are understanding that we are not as invincible as we believed ourselves to be. With that knowledge, I couldn’t see myself waiting for … something. If I want it, I need to make it happen, without placing a timetable on it. For me, a five year plan wouldn’t sustain me, because I’m aware of how fleeting time is.

So, “Why wait for tomorrow, when you can go today?!”

Tristan Jonez

First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

Birthday Love

So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?

I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.

Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

My My My, its been such a long time, that Ive ‘written’ in you dear diary. I do apologize, Ive just been out here living life. So I know, you hate being kept in the dark, so let’s discuss the dating life … or lack of. But Diary you’ll be proud to know that I am slowly putting myself back out there. Dipping one toe in at a time, although I am coming to the realization, that I may need to just jump straight in. Let’s discuss the latest dating woes.

So Ive been cool with this guy on Instagram for some time now, have conversation fairly regularly, so much so that he expressed his interest in getting to know me, and potentially taking me out on a ‘real life date’ … the dilemma, he lives in Canada. For me, that’s no super big deal, I can fly wherever, and I’m cool with long distance relationships, when they make sense. So I am acting like an interested person, I provide him with my number so he doesn’t have to DM me, he’ll now have direct contact with me. Well I guess that was too much for him, because literally after I gave my number the excuses started. First he’d left his phone at work, which is a believable thing then he’s so exhausted from work that he forgot to reach out in any compacity. My last annoyance came from, I understand being busy, I can understand you forgetting your phone at work, but how is it, you watch all my Instagram stories, and find a way to post your social media BUT you can’t remember to communicate with someone who YOU’VE told you was interested? Chile I can’t! So seeing the yellow flags, I sent a message to him, which took him two days to respond. His response seemed like a genuine one, and he apologized, so I accepted, then asked a follow up question to which, as of today, he hasn’t responded.

I find myself not upset, not even annoyed, but if you have no intention of following through, leave women alone. However whether or not it matters to him, we’ll never have an interaction again, he’s showed he isn’t worth my time. So I’ll focus on those who are.

Tristan Jonez.

Blk Santa

So I am attempting to herd my family and take photos with Black Santa at Macy’s in New York in the next few days, since my niece and I will both be in New York. As y’all know I live in Dallas now and my youngest niece is away at college in Delaware. With the remaining members of my fam, my sis, nephew and my oldest niece they all live in NYC but have competely different schedules. I thought it would be a fun thing to do, as a family since we don’t really have many photos together as a unit. But my loving family, with all their many personalities, are driving me almost insane. We have two new family members, and I honestly don’t know how my mother was able to juggle all these crazy personalities, cuz my sibling and I ALONE, would take a bevy of circus handlers. In addition to handling personalities, schedules need to be respected, then to add to the mix, my sister would like us to wear either white or red turtle necks but my youngest niece already said nope. So in addition to now trying to figure out a top that would suit everyone, we have to be concerned with how everyone’s hair is going to be styled, except for me cuz I’m throwing on a wig. Sigh.

I will definitely keep y’all up to date with what actually happens on picture day.

Tristan Jonez.

One Night Only (STL)

Not exactly a nighttime activity but its equally important … Brunch!

I think I speak for the Planet when I say, I live for a good brunch, especially when there’s bottomless Bellini’s. While in St. Louis last Sunday, I did extensive research (I googled) and decided to give Polite Society a try. The menu is as you’d expect, different specialties of eggs; beaten, sunny side, and scrambled, with some dishes of toast and burgers in the mix. I went with the French toast with seasonal berries and whipped cream, a weird choice since I don’t like eggs or French toast for that case but I’m a weird one. The berries were fresh, and a welcomed add-on to the French toast. Pleasantly surprised the French toast didn’t have that eggy taste, toasted with a nice caramel coloring, simple beautiful.

My homeboy went with the infamous brunch choice, Chicken & Waffles. Instead of coming along with the usual chicken wings, it was a panko crusted cutlet which was baked? Fried? Oven fried? To perfection. Then mixed in the with the syrup, also something I don’t usually care for on my plate, it was delicious. I wanted to trade plates with him but he was set on eating his own food. Selfish, I know. I’m assuming the waffles were delicious as his plate was clean when it was time to pay the bill.

Also Note, There is a bar, obviously but it fills up pretty quickly as this is a popular spot for Brunch. I’d advise making a reservation to ensure a table, (I think that’s what grown ups do) but get there prior to the reservation so you can have a drink at the bar.

Tristan J

Day of the Dead

I love the idea of placing your loved ones photos on an alter, ofrenda, along with items that belonged to them as a reminder of their lives. Also as a path for them to be able to return to the living world, when the veil is the thinnest, October 31. I was able to visit San Antonio, which has a large Mexican culture/presence, and experience dia de la muerta festival!

It was such an amazing time. There was beautiful ofrendas, but I didn’t think it was appropriate to take photos as these are someone’s loved ones so I soaked it all up with my heart. However I did capture the ofrenda for Selena and Frida Kahlo. Beautiful is an understatement!

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

There was a time when meeting his mother was significant, right? No checklist, but you had to mean something special to him, before you met momma. Y’all had reached a certain ‘level’ before the meeting of parents, but in 2019, it means nothing. Well I want to believe there are still men who place value on introducing women to their family but largely it’s an indication of nothing. Momma may meet a bunch of chicks, and still be her charming, sweet, kind self to each of them cuz her loyalty is to her son, first. It’s not her place to say anything to you, even if she met another shorty the day before, hell an hour before meeting you. She’ll just mind her own shit, cuz who wants to get in the middle of their son’s messy ass relationships?

I don’t want to meet ya momma, and if your not serious with me, you don’t want her to meet me either. Cuz once I’m done with you, years later she’ll still be bringing up my name.

Jonez

According to Wale …

“Thought you’d keep me from cheating with your abundance of Love, thought I’d keep you from cheating I kept you cumming so much.”

Isn’t this the classic case of miscommunication? She’s showing love, thinking it’ll keep him satisfied. He’s showing sexual pleasure, thinking it would keep her content. And in both scenarios, they both cheated. As much as we don’t want to have those necessary conversations we must. We have to. To end up from putting our all into something that we are not ready for emotionally or physically. There are times in my past I had the courage to ask for what I wanted, and the confidence to walk away when what I wanted wasn’t what was on the menu to be had. As much as we want people to want what we want, it doesn’t work that way. I do believe a man will tell you the truth the first time you ask, but after that, he’s going to tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear.

I cant love you into loving me. I can be the perfect girl, the ying to your yang and I still won’t be what your looking for. I can love you in ways, you’ve never felt, never imagined you could feel and you’ll still not be ready for me. I can literally show you why it didn’t work with anyone else, you can KNOW I am the person you would like to take that leap of faith with, but if you aren’t ready you will create excuses. So my question, how do we determine when we should fight for someone who has signs of trauma, who can’t seem to let go of the past hurts, and move forward? For me, I need to see some signs that you are attempting to seek out the help that’s necessary for you to move on from what you’ve been through, more than telling me, “I’ll think about it.”

To do List, how to communicate with the intention of comprehension.

Jonez

Song Lyrics Break My Heart (My Fault) Ft. Lil Durk

True to the Game (Movie)

We both know books will always be better than the movie. We also both know, the minor details, the way we see the characters, the Je ne sais quoi of the book won’t always reflect in the movie version but we always hope we’ll recognize the vibe of the book. Unfortunately True to the Game has been butchered severely. The folks who produced and rewritten for television consumption did the book a disservice, and it’s only been on for eight minutes. Just like y’all, I’ve read this book more times than I can count and I’d told myself not to watch the movie but I don’t normally listen, so let’s analyze.

Book Quadir is a man you’ll hear about but rarely will see. Movie Quadir is front and center. Book Qua, NEVER would he handle business in a crowded club, NEVER. He’s chatting it up with females, being seen, eh! Disgusting. Where’s the finesse? The kuft?

I think I’ve said what the fuck and What am I watching about thirty times.

Have you read the book? If so, would watching this atrocity of a movie, ever enter your mind?

Jonez

… like Piña Colada

Garlick’s (My mother) favorite alcoholic beverage was Piٌña Colada! I remember her and my godmother would put on music, and while dancing in the kitchen, mix up the ingredients, then blend to perfection in a white blender that was loud af. Bacardi was always the rum of choice, as well as the frozen Bacardi Piña Colada mixers, still found in your neighborhood grocers. On occasions, my mother would make a Virgin Piٌña Colada for my niece and I, but I would still ask for a sip of hers, cuz even as a kid, alcohol was life.

I recently got to experience the hotel in Puerto Rico where the Piña Colada was created. It’s as delicious but as fresh as my mind would’ve imagined it. I toasted to my mother and wished she could be there to experience just how that drink was able capture the ‘tropics’ of Puerto Rico. Next time you’re in Puerto Rico be sure to stop by Caribe Hilton, where you too can ‘taste’ the best of Puerto Rico.

Jonez.